


Anything to Last

by gl0rificus



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bartender Harry, Friends to Lovers, Lots of Music, M/M, OT5 Friendship, Pacific Northwest Zouis, Recreational Drug Use, fisherman niall, honestly ot5 is the most important, liam works at the port and carries heavy things all day, louis is between jobs LOL, zayn is a bass player HELLO
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-24 22:23:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3786475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gl0rificus/pseuds/gl0rificus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>The beer and weed were making Louis feel like he could float away, so he snuggled further into the down jacket he had borrowed from Liam. It was big on him, and he had needed to roll up the sleeves to free his hands. He looked over to see Zayn staring at him, a fond expression in his eyes. </i>
</p><p> <i>“What?” Louis asked, nudging Zayn with his knee.</i></p><p> <i>Zayn took a drag off the joint and passed it over to Louis. “You just look cute in that jacket, is all,” he smiled, the smoke curling around his lips.</i></p><p>Louis wants to get away. Zayn gets him to stay. </p><p>Zouis Pacific Northwest AU. Set in the early 2000s.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anything to Last

**Author's Note:**

> I started this fic before Zayn left One Direction, and it took me until now to be able to finish it. It is a happy fic, filled with all my loving feelings for Zouis and OT5, but it always had some *feelings* about Zayn not wanting the spotlight and shying away from pressure. It is very minimal, but it's there, and I've decided to leave it in. Be forewarned.
> 
> This AU of my dreams would not be possible without the help of my AMAZING betas. HUGE thanks is due to [drownedindeniall](http://drownedindeniall.tumblr.com/), who basically held my hand through early 2000s Anacortes and PNW independent music. [catiev](http://catiev.tumblr.com/) and [m0dernlife](http://m0dernlife.tumblr.com/), thank you for reading and rereading this fic and sharing in my Zouis wailing. The friends I've made through this fandom are the best parts about it <3\. I'm on [tumblr](http://gl0rificus.tumblr.com/) if you want to say hi.
> 
> Title taken from [Melt](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TPHyG4nzkY) by Heyrocco, which inspired this entire fic.
> 
> I've included links to songs throughout - I hope they transport you to the Pacific Northwest. Playlist also on [8tracks](http://8tracks.com/space_goth/northwest-zouis).
> 
> None of this is real, obviously. Except for Zouis, which is the realest.

**April 2002**

_You can't win big if you don't bet big_  
_No one ever cleans house from the sidelines_  
_Otherwise the world will pass you by_

 _I don't want to live my life in regret_ [ x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pwzavPh0m4)

Louis turned the volume up on his Discman and pressed his forehead against the train window. Another hunger pang shot through his stomach, which only made him angrier. He should have grabbed something to eat from the vending machine at the station. It also would have been nice to have an extra pair of clothes and some cash, but he couldn't have escaped Bellevue any sooner. That fucking hell hole. He did feel a lingering sense of guilt for not having called his mother before he left town, but he squashed that down. Louis balled his sweatshirt up into a makeshift pillow, tucked himself up against the window and adjusted his headphones. He was sure he had made the right decision, and, well, fuck it, because there was no going back now.

It wasn't like this was the first time that he'd been fired from a job, after all. Louis’ resume was full of short-lived stints at many restaurants and retail outlets on the Eastside. But this was different from the time he had been caught giving out free coffee at Seattle’s Best, or the time they had stopped scheduling him for shifts at the Blockbuster Video because he had ridiculed one-too-many customers about their movie choices – he had actually tried his best to keep this job. Granted, working at Ross had not been his dream, but it was beyond time he moved out of his mother’s house, and he needed the money. He showed up early to every shift, wore the name tag with a smile, did his part. Usually the customer’s rudeness didn't get to him, but it had been wearing him down, bit by bit. He’d had people call him stupid, lazy, incompetent. Once a woman called him “trash prince,” though he still wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean.

Today’s experience, however, was very different from all the other fond farewells. When that kid had run down the store aisle, pulling clothing off the racks; when his mother had stopped him from helping Louis hang the clothes back up by pointing and saying _don’t do that, honey, that’s HIS job_ , her voice pitchy and full of contempt… well, Louis had just lost it. He was a fucking person, god damn it. So he started to pull all the clothing off the racks and drop them on the ground, like a person. He did not stop when the woman screamed at him or when the little boy laughed, did not stop when his manager Todd asked him what the hell he thought he was doing. He didn't even wait for the words “you’re fired” to leave Todd’s chapped, bumbling lips before was flipping them both off and walking out the door. Maybe it had been a full moon, or maybe that woman had, in that moment, confirmed to Louis what he already knew: that Bellevue was suffocating him, that it was home to the Worst People on Earth, that he needed to get out before he became like them.

Louis hadn't stop walking until he reached the train station. He wanted to get away from everything he knew, away from the chain stores and the color beige and all people who had told him that he wouldn't amount to anything. He handed a fistful of crumpled bills to the woman at the counter and asked her how much a ticket to Canada would cost. More than he had on hand, it turned out.

“Where would you go if you wanted to get the hell out of Bellevue?” He asked her, very seriously.

The woman pushed back from the counter and gave him an appraising look. “Have you ever been to the San Juan Islands?” She asked, narrowing her eyes. Louis shook his head, and she continued. “I like to go to Orcas Island when I need to clear my head. There’s no big-box stores out there,” she added, nodding toward his name tag. “And everything is green.”

Louis bought a ticket for the first train out of town. An island seemed like the perfect place to get away.

\---------------------------------------------------

“Yeah, Mom, I’m okay. Everything is fine.” Louis tucked the phone receiver into the crook of his neck. “Its just that people suck and I needed to get away for a bit and, well…” He paused. It would have to come out sooner or later, and there was no fooling his mother, anyway. He took a deep breath. “I got fired from Ross.” Louis crossed his arms in front of his chest and bounced anxiously. “Why? Because the manager Todd is a fucking idiot. Sorry, but there is no other adjective I can think of to describe his level of idiocy.” Louis sighed. “Listen, we can just leave it there for now, please? I really don’t want to talk about it. Um, I’m in some middle-of-nowhere town called Anacortes. I’ll be on Orcas Island tonight.” Louis shifted his weight onto the other foot and rolled his eyes. “Mooom, I’m 25 years old, I think I know how to feed myse – no, I’m not rolling my eyes! Alright, I promise I will eat something before I get on the ferry. I’ll be back in a few days. I know, Mom. I love you, too. Talk to you soon. Bye.” Louis hung up the phone and shook his head. He really didn't want to stay in Anacortes any longer than he needed to, but he could never say no to his mother. Plus, she had a point about his inability to think when he was hungry. And he was really fucking hungry.

Pulling the hood of his raincoat over his head, Louis ducked out of the phone booth and into the Northwest mist. Contrary to popular belief, it never really _rained_ rained here – rather, the entire area west of the Cascade Mountains was covered by grey clouds for about 9 months out of the year. The famous Seattle Rain was actually more like Seattle Drizzle, and he didn’t really mind it, anyway, because the rain kept everything green and made the air feel clean and sharp. Louis liked the rain.

Anacortes was a small, sleepy town on Fidalgo Island, a swath of land that spills out into the salty waters of the Strait of Juan de Fuca. Louis walked from the bus station down along the harbor. The light from refinery towers across the way lit the sky and waters with an unearthly orange glow, and the air smelled like metal. The streets were dark and empty. Louis pushed his hands into the pockets of his coat and walked a little faster.

He decided that Commercial Street would be a good place to find some commerce, and was in luck: just a few blocks down, a bright neon sign announced that the "Anchor Tavern" was open for business. Entering through the windowless door, Louis was pleased to find a typical dive bar atmosphere - the lively hum of classic rock and drunken chatter, the comforting aroma of sour beer and stale cigarette smoke. Pool tables, beer on tap and cheap, fried food. It was surprisingly full inside, but Louis managed to find an empty stool at the bar. He ordered a Rainer and a hamburger from the bartender, a tall and lanky type with long hair and a Carhartt beanie, then took of his raincoat, unzipped his hoodie and tried to relax.

“What’s up, Anacortes?!” An amplified voice called out across the bar. Louis turned to see a girl at a microphone stand, her hair done up in two little buns and an electric guitar slung across her hips. The rest of the band was fidgeting with their instruments, the drummer testing his foot pedals and the bassist adjusting the levels on his amp. “Thank you to the Anchor Tavern for having us. We’re ‘Found Feathers’ and we’re going to play a few songs for you tonight.” The bar rang with shouts, cheers and whistles, and the lead singer looked back to her band mates and smiled. Then the drummer counted off, she hit a few down chords, and they began to play. It was the kind of rolling, distorted guitar rock with throaty vocals that demanded attention. Louis watched as the lead singer switched up guitar pedals and the drummer furrowed his brows in concentration, his movements energetic yet precise. But these were not the things that held his attention.

Bent over the bass, black hair falling into his eyes, was the most beautiful boy Louis had ever seen. He was sure of it the moment the boy stood up from the amp and smiled out over the crowd, his white teeth flashing and his eyes crinkling around the edges. When the music was playing he was all focused passion, nodding his head and leaning into the down beats. Between songs, he joked around with his band mates and smiled openly. The boy looked friendly. He looked gentle. He looked like a member of the Greek pantheon. Louis was mesmerized.

“Let me take a moment to introduce my friends here,” The lead singer announced after taking a quick swig from a water bottle. “On the drums is Mr. Liam Payne, doing his best Animal impersonation.” Liam smiled wide and performed a fervent drum roll that ended with a loud cymbal clash. “And a few of you may already know this huge nerd on the bass, Mr. Zayn Malik!” Zayn gave her an an insulted look, then closed his eyes, nodded his head and started playing what sounded like the bass line to the Power Rangers theme song.

“Which one is your favorite?” A man from the crowd yelled out. He had a big brown beard and a wide grin, and Louis could see his blue eyes twinkling from across the bar. He let out a short, loud laugh and adjusted his baseball cap on his head.

Zayn raised a hand to shield his eyes from the stage lights and leaned into the microphone. “Niall, please keep your questions for the press conference after the show,” he deadpanned. Then he broke into a crooked smile and placed his hand on the lead singer’s shoulder. “Allow me to introduce my sister, everyone… Miss Waliyha Malik on the guitar and vocals!” Waliyha strummed a few chords and howled into the mic, earning her a cheer from the crowd and more laughter from Niall. Then the band played on, the guitar growling and the drums beating and the bass thumping, all rising together in unison to make one cohesive sound that swept Louis along with it. He didn’t even notice his beer was empty until the set was over.

“What did you think of the band?” The bartender asked, sliding another pint of Rainier across to the bar.

“They sounded great, really good energy,” he responded. “Like if Built to Spill had a baby with Modest Mouse." He thought for a moment. "And then that baby became best friends with Sleater-Kinney.”

The bartender grinned and stared into Louis' eyes with such intense energy that he felt like he was being pulled in by a tractor beam. His eyes were a light green color, and his brown hair ended in little ringlets around his shoulders. “Saaaay, you have good taste in music!” He drawled, his smile bringing out the dimples in his cheeks. “Also, good answer, because I’m friends with the band. Very good answer, actually.” He kept his eyes on Louis, completely focused. Then a voice called out, and the bartender looked away, breaking eye contact. “Let me know if you need anything else!” He sang out, and moved away to help the other customers.

Someone started up the jukebox, and Louis recognized the Modest Mouse song as it mixed with the general background hum of friendly bar banter and punctuating laughter.

 _These walls are paper this and everyone hears every little sound.  
Everyone’s a voyeur as their watching me watch them watch me right now _ [x.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4OTms8Son-U)

Everyone in the bar did seem to know each other, and Louis began to feel out of place, as if he was intruding on something special and private. Without the live band or bartender’s conversation to distract him, the events of the day returned to him. Why did he think it would be a good idea to get himself fired? He really needed that job. He saw his entire future unfold before him in depressing images: him still living at his mom’s house, still working at jobs he despised, never leaving Bellevue. Never making it. _He was such a great guy,_ his friends would say. _Loved a good prank, decent skateboarder, always the life of the party. Too bad he died alone in his Mom’s basement, a 50-year-old man surrounded by Nintendo cartridges, fast food wrappers and broken dreams._  OK, this was a bit much, even for him. Louis took a long sip of his beer and studied the liquor bottles that lined the back of the bar in an attempt to look occupied.

“Harry, can I get an Alaskan Amber, please?” Zayn appeared in Louis’ peripheral vision. He was wearing a black and red flannel and faded jeans that were fraying at the bottom. His black hair was parted in the middle and fell in soft waves around his shoulders, and he combed it back with one hand. Louis watched as the bartender served Zayn his beer, whispering in his ear and grinning devilishly. Zayn smiled and squeezed Harry’s shoulder, taking the beer in his hand before settling into the bar stool a few feet down.

“Hey, I liked your set, your band is sick.” Louis ventured. Better to strike up a conversation than let his introspective thoughts go any deeper.

Zayn turned to look at Louis, then gave him a crooked, open-mouthed smile. “Thanks, man. I’m glad you liked it.” He rubbed his hand across the stumble that dusted his jaw. Zayn looked so comfortable in his own skin, and Louis was sure he should feel intimidated - but there was something about him that immediately put Louis at ease.

“I’m Zayn, by the way.” He took another sip of beer and wiped his mouth. “What’s your name?” Zayn's voice was smooth and low, his words running together like watercolors.

“I’m Louis, nice to meet you. I’m just visiting Anacortes, got in today, actually. This bar was, like, the only thing open, so I came in to grab some food. Gotta say, this town is really happening on a Thursday night.” Louis pushed his fringe to one side and smiled playfully.

Zayn nodded and raised his eyebrows, gesturing at Louis with his beer. “Yeah, I figured you weren't from here, ‘cause we don’t have a Ross anywhere nearby.”

Louis had forgotten about his work uniform. He felt the color rising in his cheeks, but he was determined not to let his embarrassment show. “Fuck, you found me out. I’m actually a representative from Sub Pop Records, and this is my disguise. People are ALWAYS passing me their demo tapes, so I figured I’d dress like a boring kid from the suburbs to ward them off.”

Zayn was grinning widely now, his eyes crinkling in the corners. Then he let out a laugh, an easy, melodic sound that made Louis feel warm all over. “Dude, you’re alright. I’m glad we met.” He lifted his chin toward Louis’ beer. “What are you having? Let me get you another.”

\-----------------------------------------------

Zayn was surprisingly easy to talk to, and Louis found himself letting his guard down for the first time in a long while. They debated the merits of domestic lagers vs. microbrews, Louis coming down firmly on the side of cheap, light beer because it hydrates and gets you drunk at the same time. Zayn’s eyes lit up when he talked about his favorite breweries and the great batch of home-brew porter he and his friends made last Fall. Louis teased Zayn for being a beer snob, and Zayn teased Louis for drinking piss water. They agreed to disagree.

They also talked about music, about local bands like Pretty Girls Make Graves and Blood Brothers, and after broaching the pop music threshold by gushing over Daft Punk’s new album, they bonded over their shared passion for Ludacris, Jimmy Eat World, and Tenacious D. Zayn admitted to practicing Jack Black’s operatic vocals in the shower, and Louis grabbed a fistful of his sleeve as he started singing.

“Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power? Wonderboy, won’t you take me far away from the mucky muck man?”

Zayn resisted for a moment before he was singing along. “Me, and KG, (that’s me) we’re now Tenaaaaaacious D…. eeeee!” [x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwsgnmGLdRw)

The two of them dissolved into giggle, holding onto each other’s shoulders for support. Louis didn’t realize that they were almost hugging until a firm hand came down on Zayn’s shoulder, causing his to jump.

“Sorry, is this guy bothering you?” Louis recognized the bearded fellow, Niall, from earlier in the show. Niall’s smile shone through his scraggly beard, the shadow cast by his baseball cap doing little to dim his bright blue eyes.

"Oh my GOD, are you two singing Tenacious D over here?” Zayn’s sister, Waliyha, saddled up to his side and bumped Zayn with her hip, attempting to look skeptical but coming off as nothing but extremely fond. She and Zayn looked so much alike, with the same thick dark hair, almond shaped eyes and sharply angled features. Waliyha looked at Louis carefully, a bit of curious assessment in her eyes.

“Zayn told me he sings Tenacious D in the shower- ” Louis laughed as Zayn suddenly reached a hand up in an attempt to cover his mouth.

“I cannot believe my brother is such a bro,” Waliyha began, rolling her eyes. “Did he also tell you watches martial arts movies and tries to mimic the moves?” Zayn’s hand quickly moved from Louis’ mouth to Waliyha’s, who squirmed away and stuck out her tongue.

“Um, Harry, since when are minors allowed into this super cool, adults only bar?” Zayn called out to the bartender, taking a sip of his beer and sighing like it was the most delicious thing he had ever consumed. Waliyha narrowed her eyes and nudged Zayn again with her hip, a little more forceful this time.

“Um, since that minor is the most talented member of your band, and I wanted you all to sound somewhat decent tonight - at a gig that I helped you land, remember.” Harry responded, running a wet rag over the bar top. “Still waiting for my thank you, by the way.”

Suddenly the drummer, Liam, popped out from behind Niall and reached for Harry across the bar, pulling him into a hug. Harry immediately melted into Liam’s arms, even his face going lax as he nuzzled into Liam’s shoulder. “Thank you, Harry, for helping us get gigs at your work.” Liam hugged Harry in tighter before releasing him and sliding back to his own side of the bar. “I’m not going to lie, it’s fun to play on a stage with lights and everything instead of in our living room and people’s garages.” Liam bit his lip and drummed his fingers on the bar, reliving the moment.

Waliyha nodded her head in agreement. “Yeah, thank you, Harry, seriously.” She crossed her arms and turned again toward Zayn, who smiled at her sweetly. “Plus, I’m not that young. I’m 18, and if Anacortes had any all-ages venues, then my friends could actually come see us up onstage and I wouldn't have to hang out with old people all night.” She pinched Zayn’s cheek and gave him a sympathetic look.

“Hey, who are you calling old?” Niall asked, pouring a bottle of Magners cider into a pint glass of ice and taking a swig. “Just because I am treading into silver fox territory and am more mature than all of you combined…”

Waliyha giggled, quickly snatching Niall’s hat from off his head. Niall’s brown hair was indeed peppered with gray, and he grinned as he ran his fingers through the tangled mess. “Hey, remember when Niall used to dye his hair blonde in high school?” Liam asked, provoking a round of laughter from the group.

“True, I wasn't thrilled about being a graying 16-year-old. But my blonde hair did drive the girls wild. Ah, young love.” Niall grinned as he grabbed his hat away from Waliyha, pushing his hair back before placing the cap on his head. “Had to give it up when I started fishing full time, though. Couldn't keep up with the rigorous salon schedule.” He gave Louis a quick wink. “Now my hair is just naturally highlighted by the sun and the sea.”

They all started talking over each other at once, the conversation punctuated by claims of _Yeahh but remember Harry’s side swoop hair? _and_ No, YOU’RE the one who used to shop at Hot Topic_ and _Do you think I can fit my entire fist in my mouth?_ Zayn made eye contact with Louis and shrugged, raising his hands in defeat. Louis looked around quickly and then mouthed the word _bathroom?_ , and Zayn mouthed back _over there_ , pointing over his shoulder with his thumb. When Louis returned, Waliyha was gone, Harry and Niall were deep in conversation, and Liam was breaking down his drum kit. Zayn remained perched on his bar stool, draining the last bit of beer from his glass.

“Well, about that time, yeah?” Louis asked, zipping up his hoodie and rocking forward on his toes. Zayn turned around and smiled.

“Yeah, the time really flew by. I had a good time talking with you, man. Are you heading out now?”

Louis shifted uncomfortably and looked down at his shoes. “Yeah, I should probably get going, but, um, the thing is I didn't plan this trip very well, and I have no idea where I’m going to stay tonight. Is there like a hostel or something in town? I was going to take the 9 o’clock ferry to Orcas Island, but I got kind of… distracted.” He bit his lip and looked up at Zayn, tentatively.

“Dude, you can stay at my place tonight, don’t worry about it! I live in a big house with my friends.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to put you out. Wait," He paused, cocking his head to the side for dramatic effect. "How do I know you’re not a serial killer or anything?”

Zayn raised his eyebrows and placed a hand across his heart in mock offense. “How do I know YOU’RE not a serial killer?” He retorted. “We tend to breed those in the Northwest, and you do seem to fit the profile as far as white and male go…” Louis took a step forward a punched Zayn playfully in the arm. “I’m joking, I’m joking,” he laughed. “In all seriousness, we always have friends crashing there, it won’t be a problem. Like, you can sleep on the couch, or whatever.” Zayn rubbed his jaw and smiled, but Louis could see a faint blush creeping up his cheeks.

 _I’ll take the first ferry tomorrow morning_ , Louis thought as Zayn hugged his friends goodbye. _What I really need right now is solitude, need to get myself together, reflect on Adult Things_ , he reminded himself as they walked to Zayn’s car. Tomorrow he would be on Orcas Island, with the ocean between him and all his troubles. He cast a quick glance in Zayn’s direction. It wasn't like he had any plans to stay in Anacortes.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

The house was a two story craftsman, with chipping green paint and white trim. A streetlight out front cast a yellow glow over the moss-covered stairs that led up to the front porch, and everything was shiny and wet. Louis pulled down the hood of his raincoat and held it in place as he and Zayn hurried from the car to the house through the rain. There was a musty-looking couch on the porch, and he prayed that the one inside would be less broken and swampy.

Once inside, Zayn switched on a lamp and took Louis’ jacket, which he hung carefully in the coat closet by the front door. The walls inside were painted a pale yellow, and every possible surface was adorned with leafy houseplants. The wooden floors were dark and covered with worn Persian rugs, which only served to make the house more cozy. Louis gingerly fingered one of the plants - an orchid.

"Harry really likes to garden,” Zayn offered, stuffing his hands into his pocket and lifting his chin toward the living room.

Usually he would make a joke about old cat ladies, but Louis felt tired and therefore merciful “I like it,” he responded softly. “It makes me think of The Secret Garden. I used to read that book to my little sisters all the time.”

Zayn smiled the knowing smile of someone who also has little sisters and therefore appreciates their unique, all-consuming love. “Can I get you anything?” He asked. “Tea, another beer?” Louis yawned and covered his mouth in surprise. “Maybe just a blanket?”

“Yeah, a blanket would be nice,” Louis said, stretching. Zayn was gone for a moment and then reappeared with a pillow and crocheted afghan. He handed them to Louis and smiled shyly.

“Well, I’ll see you in the morning. Sleep well, Louis.” The light from the lamp accented the angles of his face, his eyelashes casting soft shadows across his cheekbones.

“Goodnight, Zayn.” Louis smiled back. Zayn headed upstairs, and his footsteps creaked across the ceiling of the living room. Louis snuggled into the couch cushions and pulled the afghan up to his chin just as the soft whispers of music started from upstairs.

 _You remind me of a firework, boy_  
_You touch the ceiling, you touch the floor_  
_You sparkle and burn but you take your time_  
_And I bet I could carry you across state lines_ [x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBwEO_M6eB4)

 _Zayn must be listening to music in his room,_ Louis thought. He wondered what Zayn looked like in that moment, imagined him stretched out across his bed, his arm tucked under his head and his eyes closed. _Does he fall asleep to music every night?_   Louis' mind drifted to the different songs that would be on Zayn’s bedtime mixtape, and he fell asleep to the murmur of music and visions of shadows dancing across Zayn’s face.

\------------------------------------------------------------

“Dude, I TOLD you not to eat that!” Louis was awakened by the sound of the front door opening and booming laughter. He opened his eyes to see Harry spitting something into his open hand and Niall pointing and cackling. Liam came in behind them and, noticing Louis, quickly clapped his hands over their mouths.

“Shut up you two!” He hissed under his breath. “Someone is sleeping on the couch.” Niall sent an apologetic look in Louis’ direction while Harry pulled away and wiped the back of his hand across his tongue.

Louis sat up and raised his hand in greeting. “No worries. Just waking up, actually.”

“Louis!” Niall sang out, sitting down next to Louis on the couch and giving his foot a squeeze through the blanket. “I thought you’d left town! Something about ferries and Orcas Island? I think Zayn told me you'd be staying over, but my memories from last night are kinda foggy, to be honest.” Niall took off his baseball hat and set it on his lap, his hair sticking straight up in a wild mess. He yawned deeply and smiled at Louis.

“Yeah, I missed the ferry last night, so Zayn offered for me to stay here. Hope you guys don't mind. I’ll be leaving in a bit, once Zayn wakes up so I can say goodbye.”

This caused all three boys to laugh, even Harry, who was still grimacing from whatever he had just eaten. “Zayn will sleep all day if you let him,” Liam said. “Not much of an early bird, Malik. Why don’t you come get food with us? I could really use a greasy hamburger right about now.”

“Hungover, are we?” Louis raised his eyebrows and shook his head at Liam, causing him to blush.

“We drank at the docks all night,” Niall filled Louis in. “Anacortes tradition.”

Harry gave a thumbs up sign and headed toward the bathroom, where Louis could hear him gargling water. Or possibly mouthwash. “Is he going to be OK?” He asked the other boys.

“Who, Harry?” Niall asked. “He’s not even hungover! He drinks a ton of green tea and he swears it keeps him from getting hangovers. Antioxidants and all that good stuff.” Niall put his baseball cap back on and waved his hand. “He just has this habit of eating strange things he finds on the ground, like some sort of wild man. I always tell him not to do it, but he like, can’t control himself. What was it this time? A lime?”

Liam sighed and shrugged his shoulders. “I think it was actually an orange or something. It was just totally unripe and green.” He walked over to the couch and squeezed himself between Niall and Louis. “The less we know about what Harry eats, the better I sleep at night.”

Harry appeared from the bathroom, his hair damp and combed and his face shining. “OK, just took a few multivitamins. Who’s ready for some burgers and fries?”

“STOP looking that way when I feel this way!” Niall scolded, chucking a pillow at Harry. Harry grabbed Niall’s hand and pulled him toward the door, followed closely by Liam and Louis.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

Zayn was still asleep when they returned from breakfast. They had parted ways with Niall at the A&W burgers because he needed to go to work. _A fisherman never sleeps_ , he had announced with a weary smile, and Louis half-believed him.

“Goooood morning!” Harry sang as Zayn entered the kitchen. Liam jumped up from his seat, gently guiding Zayn toward the table by placing a hand on the small of his back. “We brought you an A&W cheeseburger with extra pickles and a coke. Best way to start the day.”

Zayn waved a greeting in Harry’s direction without opening his eyes. “Coffee?” He asked.

“Here ya go, Zaynie,” Liam said as he placed a mug of coffee in front of him. Zayn wrapped both hands around the mug and raised it to his lips, taking a long drink and letting out a sigh that must have been a thank you. He blinked slowly and opened his eyes, and after a moment of recognition he smiled soflty at Louis.

“Hello, Louis.” Zayn still had pillow lines across his face, and Louis bit his lip to control the fond smile hinting at his lips. “Did you all get breakfast together?” Zayn took another sip of coffee and leaned back in his chair. His cotton night shirt fell open, and Louis could see the outline of tattooed wings and a red lipstick kiss dotting the center of his chest.

“Yeah, breakfast of champions.” Louis quipped, lifting his soda to cheers Zayn’s coffee mug. His paper cup thudded gently against the porcelain. “You were still asleep, and I figured it would be a good idea to eat something before heading out to catch the ferry.”

Zayn nodded his head in agreement, and the four of them sat silently in the kitchen for a bit - Harry pulling his hair in front of his face to inspect it thoroughly, Liam staring into space, Zayn sipping his coffee, and Louis waiting for one of them to offer him a ride to the ferry terminal.

Liam wondered aloud whether they could get someone to tape their next show, saying it would be cool to see a video of themselves playing. “Do you think we’d look different? Sometimes I think that I actually look different when I play the drums than I think I look. Like, I visualize myself differently. Is that a word? Visualizing? Visualizationing?

Zayn opened his eyes just enough to roll them, while Louis laughed until he realized that Liam wasn't joking. Harry seemed to politely overlook the grammar 101 question and actually contemplate Liam’s words in a serious way. 

Louis appreciated quiet mornings, in a hypothetical sort of way. In practice, he needed something to happen, some sort of movement. Especially when he was feeling nervous about something, like the ferry, or Zayn's open night shirt. He was just about to stand up and announce that he was leaving when Harry beat him to it. It appeared there were _more_ plants out back, and Harry was off to water them. Liam excused himself to take a shower, and Louis and Zayn were left alone, looking at each other from across the kitchen table.

Louis looked down at his soda and tried to think of something to say, something that wouldn’t come off too cheesy but would honestly communicate how thankful he was to Zayn for letting him stay the night. He enjoyed hanging out and talking with Zayn, but he had also made a promise to himself that he would use this time to get his shit together. He felt drained, and a little out of control, and the trip to Orcas Island would help him get back on track. The trip to Orcas Island would redeem his self-destructive quitting act. He really should be on his way.

“Do you have to leave right now?” Zayn seemed to read Louis’ mind. He stretched his arms above his head and repositioned himself, one arm resting across the back of the chair. “I was thinking I could show you around Anacortes, like, some of the cool spots, and then I could drop you off at the ferry this afternoon.” He took another sip of coffee. “I mean, you’ve never been to Anacortes before, who knows when you’ll be back?”

“Well, I’d need to take the ferry back from Orcas Island, so I’d probably be back in a few days.” Louis smiled innocently.

Zayn scowled. “I blame mornings,” he said, waving his mug in the air. “Well, I can take you to the ferry station in like 30 minutes, or you could stay and check out this awesome record store we have in town. Just sayin’.”

“I don’t know, I don’t really want to walk around town in my Ross uniform, and I didn’t bring any extra clothes…” The determination Louis had once felt about Orcas Island was beginning to fade under Zayn’s heavy gaze and the sugar high of one-too-many root beers.

Zayn shrugged his shoulders. “We look about the same size, you can borrow some clothes from me if you want. Plus,” He leaned forward, and Louis felt a little tug in the pit of his stomach, “I happen to know that this particular record store has signed copies of the new Modest Mouse album available for a decent price. To friends of the owner, of course.” He raised his eyebrows.

Louis could catch the ferry in the afternoon. It ran all day, after all.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

The Northwest Spring was in full bloom all around Anacortes. Brightly colored tulips dotted almost every front lawn and planter box, and the sun appeared to be higher in the sky than it had yesterday. Zayn and Louis were not the only ones taking advantage of the mid-afternoon sunbreak; Zayn exchanged quite a few _hellos_ with people sitting on front porch swings, pulling weeds from garden beds, and taking their dogs for a walk. It was afternoons like this that allowed Northwesterners to time travel to Summer, allowed them to forget the months of grey rain in one moment of brilliant, 50-degree sunshine. Louis had learned to savor the cool, nipples-poking-through-t-shirt sunlight, because of its rarity, but also because it made for prime titty twisters. He wasn’t sure whether he and Zayn were in nipple twisting territory yet, so he settled for arm squeezes and shoulder jostling and, once, an air-slap to the face.

“What was that for?” Zayn asked, after Louis had placed his hand on Zayn’s cheek and then slapped his own palm in stage-fighting style. They were in the middle of discussing “Nu Metal” bands and whether or not “Nu” was the most metal spelling of “New,” when Zayn joked that it should be spelled Nv, _like the Greek letter_ and Louis could not resist the urge to lash out. He had a way of maintaining almost constant physical contact with his close friends, of slinging arms around their shoulders and tucking into their sides, and Zayn would just have to get used to it.

“Gotta keep up, Zayner,” was all he said, and when he tried to slap him again, Zayn was ready and grabbed his arm. They wrestled around a bit on the sidewalk before Louis called out _Good morning, ladies!_ to a group of elderly women who were staring them down and Zayn burst into laughter and they fell apart.

Zayn stood in the middle of the sidewalk with his hands on his knees, bent over with laughter. He stood up slowly and wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. His eyes shone amber-colored in the sunlight, and he grinned. He looked lovely. Louis wondered what it would be like to kiss him. He imagined placing a hand on Zayn’s chest and pressing against him, imagined the feeling of Zayn’s wide smile and warm breath against his lips. _I want to kiss Zayn_ , he thought, the idea both startling and exhilarating. He quickly tucked it away.

Louis adjusted the collar of the white t-shirt he had borrowed from Zayn and shook his head. “Please control yourself, Zayn." he scolded. "We’re in public.” Despite the redirect, Louis could feel himself blushing. Zayn responded by pinching Louis’ nipple, and Louis looked away in an attempt to hide his obvious, hopeless smile.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The record store was located inside a two-story brick building on Commercial street that had once housed a bank. The shop, succinctly called “The Business,” sold both new and used vinyl, CDs and VHS, with a focus on promoting independent musicians and artists. There was a small recording studio in the back, and it was also home to a local record label called Knw-Yr-Own. The new Shins album was playing over the store speakers, and Louis’ smiled at the appropriateness of the lyrics:

 _Lucked out and found my favorite records lying in wait at the Birmingham mall._  
_The songs that I heard, the occasional book were the only fun i ever took._  
_And I got on with making myself. The trick is just making yourself._ [x ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4yjI4ndkzGU&index=4&list=PL65E2E1AA28BBCCBC)

Zayn introduced Louis to the owner, Bret, and his dog, Rufio. They chatted a bit about Found Feathers' show at the Anchor Tavern. Apparently Bret had seen the show and would be playing his own solo set at the Anchor Tavern next week, and Zayn promised he would make it out. Then Zayn and Louis set about looking through the rows of plastic wrapped CDs, the cases clicking against each other as the boy’s nimble fingers flipped through in search of buried treasure.

“I think it’d be really sick to make a booklet for our band’s next album, but none of that glossy corporate shit.” Zayn mentioned in passing as he opened up a used copy of the new Death Cab for Cutie album. “Like, something with all of our own artwork in it. That’d be cool.”

“You draw?” Louis asked.

Zayn shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah, just little things. I’m just now getting into painting and stuff.”

Louis wondered what Zayn’s art looked like. Probably a million times better than his own.“I’m shit at art, but I can draw a mean stick figure. I’d be willing to contribute something to the booklet, if you need me.”

Zayn raised an eyebrow and smiled mischievously. “If I need you? Interesting.” He tossed a CD to Louis and grinned when he saw Louis’ face light up.

“Un-fucking-believable,” was all Louis said.

Zayn gave both Rufio and Bret a hug before he and Louis walked out the door - Zayn carrying a zine on street art, and Louis with a signed Modest Mouse CD tucked securely in his back pocket.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

That night they built a bonfire at Sunset Beach. Louis had planned to catch the 3pm ferry, but he really wanted to see the fishing dock where Zayn worked part-time. They had run into Niall during their tour of the dock, and it would have been rude to just leave right then. Plus, Niall invited them out for beers with some of his crew members, and Louis figured he’d say goodbye to the Anchor Tavern and to Harry one last time before he headed for the ferry. And of course he had to wait for Liam to get off from work at the Port so he could say goodbye to him, too. So 3pm turned into 4pm, and 4pm turned into 6pm, and by 8pm he found himself in the back of Niall’s Ford Explorer, squeezed between Harry and Zayn, on their way to start a fire on the beach.

“Drive faster, Niall - I think one of the bottles broke!” Harry whined. He lifted up the case of beer to reveal a wet spot on his lap. 

“That's because you've got those death-grip thighs!” Zayn laughed, reaching across Louis to squeeze Harry’s knee. Harry let out a yelp, and the two of them began to poke each other. Louis enlisted Zayn into leaning into the turns to squish Harry against the door as the car wove through Washington Park. Liam had put on the latest Sleater-Kinney CD and he turned up the volume, drowning out Harry’s protests and Zayn and Louis’ giggles:

 _You can’t get to heaven in a silver spoon,_  
_You can polish everything except the mark on you..._  
_All hands on the bad one, all hands on the bad one_. [x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvpHxtNx0BU)

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

It was already dark by the time they arrived at the beach, so Niall and Liam put on headlamps before venturing into the forest in search of firewood. The moon hung low over the Sound, and Louis could see the faint outlines of islands rising up from the horizon. It was windy, and cold, and everything smelled like ocean.

Niall and Liam finally emerged from the woods, wet up to their ankles and carrying armfuls of slick, moss covered branches. The other boys had unloaded the beers and instruments from the car and dragged a few logs into a circle in the sand. Liam piled the branches in the center and coaxed the fire to life at a slow and steady pace, but Louis grew impatient and told them all to step back before pouring the entire bottle of fire starter over the small blaze. The fire exploded with a _woof_ , flames growing large and licking up into the night sky. There were ashes everywhere, and Liam swore that the brim of his hat was singed, but eventually the fire died down into a manageable size.

“Play us a song, Niall!” Harry begged, handing Niall an acoustic guitar from their pile of instruments. Niall placed the guitar across his knee and stroked his beard pensively before settling on John Mellencamp’s "[Small Town](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CVLVaBECuc)."

“Shit, Niall, at least wait ‘til I’m high before you start with that.” Zayn shook his head, pulling a joint out of the pocket of his fleece jacket. He was wearing a grey beanie and black jeans that were torn at the knees, and the flame from the lighter cast a soft orange glow across his face.

“- all my friends are so small town, my parents live in the same small tooooown,” Harry joined his voice to Niall’s and beat on a set of bongos that appeared to be made out of coffee cans. Liam blew across the top of his beer bottle, making a low whistle that echoed among the trees behind them. Zayn handed the joint to Louis and then reached over to pull some sort of handmade instrument across his lap. Louis laughed in surprise when he realized it was a bass guitar, fashioned out of a five gallon jug and a piece of scrap wood. Zayn closed his eyes and began to play, the sound of strings echoing low from inside the jug.

“ - used to daydreaaam, in that small town, another boring romantic, that’s me.” Zayn was singing along, his voice soft and silky. Liam accepted the joint from Louis and raised his bottle in Zayn’s direction as all four of them sang the last few lines together:

 _Well I was born in a small town, and I can breathe in a small town, Gonna die in this small town, and that’s probably where they’ll bury me._ [  
](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CVLVaBECuc)

The last line threatened to kill Louis’s buzz. He took a long sip of his beer and dug his hand into the cool sand before pouring some over the top of Zayn’s doc martens.

“Hey!” Zayn laughed, kicking the sand off his shoes and reaching over the pinch Louis’ arm.

“Dude, I was just burying you in this small town. Or would you rather have a viking funeral? Be buried at sea?” Louis poured a few drops of beer on Zayn’s foot, and Zayn responded by pulling Louis into a one-armed hug and forcing him to be still.

“I’m glad you stayed around today,” Zayn said to him. The boys had started singing “[Heart of Gold](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pO8kTRv4l3o)” by Neil Young, and Zayn released Louis so that he could play his bottle bass along to the beat.

Louis turned his head to look over at Zayn. “Me too. Today was pretty fucking awesome.”

Zayn nodded his head in agreement. “Yeah, Anacortes is a great place. So is Orcas Island, you’re going to love it.”

“Well, I’m not sure I’m going to Orcas Island at this point. I think I might just head home.” Louis took a sip of beer and sighed. “Back to Bellevue.”

“Is that where you’re from? Bellevue?”

“Yeah, unfortunately. Its small like this but its just this shitty suburban skid-mark through the forest. It sucks.” Louis finished the last of his beer and then reached into the case at his side to open another.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Louis’ first reaction was to say _no_ , or, alternately, _no fucking way_ , but he realized that he actually did want to talk about it. Usually he would turn to his mother when he had these sort of “what the fuck am I doing” feelings, and she would make them both a cup of tea and they would sit in the window seat and talk. It was different to be sitting on the beach with Zayn - but no less comforting.

“I got fired from my job at Ross.” Louis let out a short laugh, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. “I’m 25-years-old and I still live with my mom and I’m almost completely broke. I hate every job I’ve ever had and I feel like I’m a side character in my own fucking life. And I hate that feeling, that feeling of helplessness.” He turned to look at Zayn, who looked back at him and nodded. He continued. “I just want to BE something, you know? I was actually saving up money to move to Seattle and look for a job there. Pretty sad, huh?”

Zayn set the bottle bass to the side and leaned back against the log to look up at the sky. “Depends on how you look at it,” he replied. “What do you like to do?”

“Well, I like music,” Louis said. “I like skateboarding. I think I’m pretty good with kids. So what kind of job would that be? A skateboarding DJ who plays kids’ birthday parties?”

“Maybe.” Zayn laughed softly. “Or maybe you could work with kids in a school, or in some kind of youth development program. Or start your own skate park. You know what they say: if you build it - “

“Do NOT finish that sentence!” Louis laughed, putting a hand over Zayn’s mouth. Zayn giggled into his palm and bit down softly, making Louis pull away in feigned disgust. Zayn was smiling wide, and Louis could still feel his lips ghosting across his palm, warm and soft. “What about you?” He asked. “Do you have any plans for getting out of Anacortes?”

Zayn gave Louis a surprised look. “Getting out of Anacortes,” he mused, leaning forward to take the joint that Niall passed to him. “You know, the thought has crossed my mind. It’s not always been easy, being the only brown kid in a sea of white people. Sometimes people ask me if I’m even from here. Like, _really_ from here.” He stared at the glowing joint for a bit and then continued. “My whole life I’ve had to think about where I’m from, you know? Being Muslim and being Pakistani are really important parts of who I am. But, like, when I think of where I’m from… I’m _from_ Anacortes. I’m from rain and ocean and boats and trees and ferns. My friends and my family are here. This place is my home.” He took a hit of the joint and passed it over to Louis. “Trees and ferns?” He laughed. “God, I sound high.”

Louis agreed - comparing yourself to a fern was pretty corny, after all - but the importance of Zayn’s words kept him quiet. His sisters called him “serious Louis” when he got like this, but his mother told him it was one of his greatest skills - the ability to turn off his teasing attitude and be completely present when it was time to listen. People were always shocked by how he could go from hyperactive jokester to empathetic and focused at the drop of a hat, but to Louis, it was the most natural transition in the world.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked. He took a quick hit and passed the joint along to Liam.

Zayn gave him an appreciative smile. “Well, not much to say. My life here is actually really cool. I have a solid group of family and friends who love and support me. I mean, I wish I had more time for music and art and stuff. Sometimes I wonder if I should start working full-time at the dock, like Niall - he said he'd help me get a job on his boat, If I wanted. But I’m afraid that if I do that, I’ll stop making art all together. So, who knows.” Zayn turned his head to look at Louis, and their eyes met. “Has a place just ever felt right to you, Louis? Like everything around you is as it should be, and you can finally breathe?”

The pupils in Zayn’s eyes were dilated and dark, like deep pools. Louis reached over and squeezed his hand.

"I think I'm starting to know what that feels like," he said. Then he smiled, and Zayn smiled, acknowledging the moment of understanding as it passed between them.

“What should we sing next?” Liam asked.

Zayn suggested “[Second Hand News](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6Fdm3-dnr0),” and Niall started playing the chords without hesitation. “I knoooow there's nothing to say. Someoooone has taken my place,” Niall sang, lifting the neck of the guitar for dramatic effect.

“He knows every Fleetwood Mac song by heart,” Zayn informed Louis. Then he raised his voice to join Niall’s. “When times go bad, when times go rough, won’t you lay me down in the tall grass and let me do my stuff?”

By the end all of five of them were singing in unison, clinking their beer bottles together and cheering: “I’m just second hand news, I’m just second hand neeeews!”[  
](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6Fdm3-dnr0)

The beer and weed were making Louis feel like he could float away, so he snuggled further into the down jacket he had borrowed from Liam. It was big on him, and he had needed to roll up the sleeves to free his hands. He looked over to see Zayn staring at him, a fond expression in his eyes.

“What?” Louis asked, nudging Zayn with his knee.

Zayn took a drag off the joint and passed it over to Louis. “You just look cute in that jacket, is all,” he smiled, the smoke curling around his lips.

Louis blushed. “Not sure I want to be cute, but I’ll take it.” He picked up some dry seaweed and tossed it at Zayn. He felt high and a little drunk, and he laughed brightly as Zayn tossed the seaweed back at him.

“So, do you guys come here and sing dad-rock all weekend?” Louis asked, crushing the dead joint into the sand. “I mean, that must get the ladies coming out in hordes.”

Zayn gave Louis an appraising look and took off his beanie, tucking his hair neatly back behind his ears. “Yeah, sometimes there are girls,” he smiled easily. “Niall has been seeing this girl who just moved to town, and Harry meets a lot of people at the Anchor Tavern. Liam hasn't dated anyone in a while, he’s pretty sentimental when it comes to that stuff.” Zayn kept his eyes trained on Louis’ face.

“What about you?” Louis ventured, unsure what he was looking for. “Any lucky lady?”

Zayn looked down at his beer and smiled softly. “No, no lucky lady.” He looked back at Louis and held his gaze. “No lucky guy, either.”

There it was. Louis took a sip of beer and nodded since he didn't know what else to do. The air felt suddenly loaded, like he should say _cool_ or _alright_ or otherwise acknowledge that he had heard Zayn and was fine with what he had said. And he was cool with it, more than cool with it, actually… but he wasn’t sure how he felt. About boys, and about Zayn in particular. He let his eyes fall to Zayn’s mouth, red and wet and slightly open. He gulped and decided to press forward.

“How about these guys?” He asked, motioning toward Liam, Harry and Niall, who were in their own world. “Any of them ever caught your eye?”

If he was bothered by Louis’ line of questioning, Zayn didn’t show it. “These guys are like my brothers,” he said. “We’ve known each other since we were kids. Harry’s mom and my mom were friends before we were born, and we met Niall in kindergarten. Liam moved here in middle school, and we’ve all been best friends ever since.” Zayn seemed to remember something and smirked to himself. “Well,” he added, “Liam and I actually ended up kissing once, in high school.” He looked over at Louis and bit his lip, his eyes glinting in the firelight. “But it was a joke.”

Louis rolled his eyes before he could stop himself. He hated feeling jealous, mostly because he was never able to hide it. Zayn must have noticed the change in his demeanor, because he reached over to squeeze Louis’ arm. “Liam was a bad kisser, anyway,” Zayn offered. Louis was sure the last part wasn’t true, but the reassurance did make him feel better. He scooted closer to Zayn and leaned his head against his shoulder.

“Shut up,” he said. Then, “I like talking to you.”

He heard a low laugh rumbling in Zayn’s chest. “I like talking to you, too,” he answered.

The fire was falling into glowing orange embers by the time Niall finished up his rendition of “[Take it to the Limit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fyY-TxGEwE)” by The Eagles. Harry’s eyes were closed, and he continued to sway back and forth even after the music stopped. Liam leaned over and gently placed his finger up Harry’s nostril, waking him with a start. Harry yawned and stretched out across the sand, his head in Liam’s lap and his thighs across Niall’s feet.

Louis felt himself drifting into sleep as well. “Zayn?” He asked, softly. “I want to stay for the weekend. Can I stay here? With you?” He felt Zayn’s fingers curling softly through his hair.

“Of course you can,” Zayn replied.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

Louis woke up the next morning to find Zayn humming and bustling about in the kitchen. He had just finished changing into the clothes that Zayn had left for him by the couch last night - black denim jeans and a black misfits t-shirt. “What time is it?” He asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He assumed that Liam or Harry would be the one in the kitchen, not Zayn. He must have slept in.

“It’s 9 - Don’t look so shocked!” Zayn threw a kitchen towel at Louis, who was laughing into his hand. “I got up a little early because I want to take you to one of my favorite places today.” He finished placing tinfoil-wrapped objects in his backpack and then smiled at Louis. “We’re going to Deception Pass.”

“Oooo, I like the sound of that!” Louis replied, walking over to the counter. Zayn watched as Louis removed a mug from the cupboard and poured himself a cup of coffee, his expression soft.

“What?” Louis asked, lifting his eyebrows. “I need you to use words, Zayn.”

Zayn walked over to Louis and placed a hand on his arm, causing him to back up against the counter. He leaned in close, and his breath was hot on Louis’s cheek. He smelled like coffee and toothpaste. Louis’ eyes fluttered shut.

“You have dried drool on your chin,” he whispered.

Louis squawked and pushed him away, wiping his chin with the back of his hand. Zayn grabbed the backpack and grinned.

“Last one to the car has to pay for gas!” He called out, sprinting for the door. Louis cursed under his breath, pulled on his converse, and followed.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

The drive to Deception Pass State Park took them south out of Anacortes and along the shoreline toward the other end of Fidalgo Island. They passed through fields of grazing cattle and stands of towering Douglas firs. Louis could see the snowy Olympic mountains on the horizon, sharp and white against the bright blue sky. He pulled on Zayn’s sleeve to make sure he noticed them, too, and Zayn agreed that they were the most beautiful mountains he'd ever seen.

“I want you to listen to this band,” Zayn said, carefully switching out the CD in the stereo. “They’re called the Microphones, and their from Anacortes. The lead singer actually works at the Business, and they just released this album a few months ago.” He looked over at Louis before pressing play. “If you want to know about Anacortes, this entire album is basically about that.”

The song began with white noise, and then a guitar, and then layered voices. It was delicate, and sparse, and Louis swore he could hear the sound that wind makes when it rushes through the trees.

 _My roots are strong and deep, i'm swaying in your breeze_  
_My arms stretch out to meet you, you've got me on my knees_  
_I stand tall, my feet are on the ground_  
_But compared to you i'm small_  
_The things you need you just surround_ [x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmFN8f7bB5g)

Zayn kept his eyes on the road, one hand on the steering wheel and other resting by his side. His hair was still wet from his shower that morning, and it had dampened the collar of his grey henley shirt. Louis studied his profile - the straight line of his eyebrows as he squinted against the sun, the curve of his eyelashes, the gentle slope of his nose. The valley of his parted lips and the soft, dark hair dusting his jaw. He recalled what Zayn had said last night, about a place just feeling right, about everything being as it should be. Louis turned up the music, rolled down the window, and breathed deeply.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

“Ahhh, come look at this thing!” Louis called out. He was crouched down over a tide pool, his face only a few inches above the surface of the water. Zayn stooped down beside him and reached into the water, lightly touching the green and purple anemone. It curled around his fingers, and Louis squealed with delight. “Yes! That is so awesome!” He reached down to touch the anemone, their fingers brushing against each other in the cool water. They stayed like that, shoulder to shoulder, slowly moving their hands through the shallow pool and watching little fishes scatter to the dark edges.

They had parked Zayn's Subaru at Bowman’s Bay fishing pier and then hiked down to Rosario beach to check out the pools during low tide. Afterwards they hiked back along the bluffs that led down to the bay, Zayn stopping every once and a while to check out some plant, Louis telling him to hurry up. By the time they reached the narrow sliver of beach that lead out to lighthouse point, a bank of fog had rolled in and a few dark clouds were gathering on the horizon. Zayn agreed that he would hurry up, and he jogged after Louis as they moved across the beach grass, up a hill and toward the lighthouse.

The bridges that spanned Deception Pass rose out of the fog bank, curved and green and expansive. This was were Skagit Bay met the Strait of Juan de Fuca, the large channel that connected all these animals and communities and the water that surrounded them to the Pacific Ocean. The bridges were joined in the middle by an island that looked to be made entirely of rocks and trees, and breaks in the fog revealed patches of silvery water below that curled and frothed into white rapids. Zayn had told Louis that European colonizers named this place Deception Pass because they had originally mistook it for just another inlet, leading them to believe that Whidbey Island and Fidalgo Island were all part of one large peninsula. (Louis pointed out that at least it was better than giving it the name of some other boring dead guy, and Zayn agreed.)

The lighthouse itself was smaller than Louis had been expecting, but he didn't have much to compare it to. He and Zayn sat down on the front steps and shared the meal that Zayn had packed for them -- cold leftover pizza, two peanut butter sandwiches and a Snapple. They watched the seagulls suspended in the air above the cliffs, and joked that it must suck to fly if you can’t actually get anywhere. The seagulls seemed to hear them and screeched in response.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

“Dude, this is perfect.” Zayn stopped in his tracks in front of a hollowed out Douglas fir stump. He put his hand against the bark and pressed gently, smiling when it gave a little. “Let’s throw knives at this dead tree,” he said, dropping his backpack. They had broke away from the main trail and cut their own path into the woods, weaving through stands of Pacific Madrone and Western Hemlock before arriving at this little clearing.

“Yes, that’s an excellent idea,” Louis agreed. Zayn produced a pocket knife and opened it, wiping the blade across the front of his jeans. He grasped it lightly by the handle and sent it flying, spinning through the air toward the tree. It hit the bark with a soft thunk and bounced to the ground.

“Ha!” Louis cried, sauntering over to pick up the knife. “Look, something that Zayn Malik isn't good at!” Zayn flipped him off, and Louis laughed as he backed up and aimed the knife at the tree stump. It completed two full rotations before bouncing off the tree bark and into the dirt.

Zayn shook his head and retrieved the knife. “Please leave this to the professionals,” he said, walking back to stand next to Louis and then squaring himself toward the tree. He lifted a hand up and grabbed a fist full of air, then lowered it in front of his face. “You have to be the knife,” he said. Zayn spread his legs apart slightly, one foot in front of the other, and held the knife in his right hand while pointing at the tree with his left. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. Then he opened his eyes, exhaled and threw the knife with a whip of his wrist. The knife spun in circles, cutting through the air and sticking into the tree with a gratifying _twang_.

“Yes!” Zayn shouted, lifting both arms above his head and whooping with joy. Louis ran his hand over his face and sucked in air, a look of disbelief on his face. Zayn turned to Louis and lifted him up in his arms, spinning him around before setting him back down. He raised his hand for a high five, which Louis reluctantly gave him.

“Very Zen, Zayn,” Louis conceded. “I think you’re ready to bring this to the next level.” Louis walked to the tree and pulled out the knife. “Let’s make this into a game. The loser, meaning whoever gets the fewest number of successful, sticky-in knife throws has to streek butt-naked back to the car.”

Zayn grinned. “Alright,” he agreed. “But does the winner get anything?”

Louis placed his hand on his hip and thought for a minute. “We’ll think of something,” he said.

It was Louis’ turn to throw again, and he lifted himself up onto one foot in a praying mantis pose. Zayn chuckled and stepped up behind him, pulling Louis’ arms down from above his head and taking Louis’ right hand in his own.

“Now,” Zayn instructed, his head slightly above Louis’ shoulder, “you have to look out over the top of the blade, and keep your grip light.” Louis could feel Zayn's breath against the shell of his ear, and he felt himself relaxing into Zayn’s arms. Zayn’s chest was pressed up against his back, firm and steady, and his hair tickled Louis’ neck. “Imagine the blade going into the tree, and then throw it,” he whispered, the hair on his jaw grazing Louis’ cheek.

“It’s all in the wrist.” Louis confirmed, his voice cracking slightly. He turned to see Zayn looking at him with heavy-lidded eyes. His gaze flickered to Louis’ lips. Zayn let his left hand drop to Louis waist, and Louis gasped as he felt a warm sensation spreading through his body.

“What does the winner get, again?” Zayn asked. A gust of wind whipped around them, blowing Zayn’s hair across his face. He pressed a thumb into Louis’ hip bone, and Louis felt suddenly electric, all buzzing skin and charged fingertips. He looked into Zayn’s eyes and didn't dare to breath.

A drop of rain fell on Zayn’s nose, causing him to blink. Then a few more drops, and more, until the two of them broke apart, cursing and laughing and pulling up the hoods of their raincoats to shield themselves from the sudden downpour. The cold rain felt good against Louis’ hot skin, and he turned his face up and yelled at the sky. Zayn tucked the pocket knife back into his pocket and grabbed Louis’ hand, and they both shouted as they jumped and ran through the forest and toward the car.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

When it rains and you are stuck in a car in the middle of nowhere, the best thing to do it light a joint and hot box the car. This was a given fact, at least in Louis’ experience, based on many instances of being stuck inside a house or under a bridge or in a car because it’s raining and you don’t know what the hell to do with yourself. And, like most other people raised in the Pacific Northwest, Zayn wholeheartedly agreed.

Zayn took a long drag off the joint and passed it over to Louis, pulling distractedly at his wet raincoat. He unzipped the jacket and tossed it into the back seat. Louis leaned back in his seat and exhaled, blowing the smoke out against the roof of the car.

“So, Deception Pass is your favorite place,” Louis began, unzipping his raincoat. He passed the joint to Zayn and took off his jacket. His bangs were wet, and he pushed them to the side across his forehead.

“Yeah, I just love that fucking bridge.” Zayn’s voice was pinched as he held in the smoke before exhaling. “It’s like, Northwest greatest hits. You’ve got the tidepools and the rocks and the trees and the ocean, pretty much everything.”

Louis pulled his hands inside the sleeves of his hoodie and snuggled down into the seat. “Have you ever lived anywhere else? Like, outside of Anacortes?”

Zayn passed the joint to Louis and scratched his chin.“To be honest, this is the only place I’ve ever lived. I mean, I’ve visited Bellingham and Vancouver and Seattle, but I’ve only ever lived in Anacortes. I’m actually a really boring person.”

Louis smiled softly and shook his head. “No, I can see why you like it here. I mean, you live with your best friends and you play music and you have great weed. What more could you want?”

Zayn shrugged his shoulders, and they both laughed. “You’re right, this is a pretty awesome place to live. But it wouldn’t be the same if I didn’t have my friends. We got each other through high school, and we’re kind of getting each other through adulthood.” He accepted the joint from Louis and took a hit.

"I've been meaning to ask you, where does you're band name come from? Found Feathers? Does it mean anything?" The car was becoming very smoky, and Louis felt himself merging with the seat. He coughed gently.

"It's something Liam's mom used to say," Zayn  explained. "Liam would find feathers around the house, and his mom would always say that his grandmother had left them around for him and his sisters to find."

Louis nodded thoughtfully. "Does she still say that?"

Zayn smiled. "Yeah, actually, she does. Once we went on a trip to Seattle, me and the boys, and when we opened up our bags in the hotel room, we realized that she has snuck a white feather into every single one." Zayn leaned forward to turn on the car battery and the music started up again, soft and rolling:

_The sound of cars, the smell of bars, the awful feeling of electric heat.  
_Under fluorescent lights, there’s sacrifice, there’s hard feelings, there’s pointless waste.__

_I want wind to blow_  
_My clothes off me, sweep me off my feet, take me up and bring me back._ [x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WvWkUhszeE)

“Oops, the joint is dying,” Louis realized outloud. “Come here.” He took a final hit and peeled himself up and out of his seat. Zayn leaned forward and Louis blew a steady stream of smoke into his open mouth, watching as the smoke billowed around his lips. Louis’ vision was a bit hazy, and he thought - not for the first time - that Zayn looked wholly unreal. All sharp angles and kind, gentle eyes. Beautiful. Without thinking, Louis reach up and ran his fingertips across Zayn’s cheek and into his beard.

Zayn’s eyelids fluttered. Slowly, he lifted his hand to cover Louis’, their fingers lacing together. He traced his fingers over the back of Louis’ hand and down his delicate wrist. Then Zayn turned Louis’ hand over and kissed his open palm. His lips were soft and dry, and Louis’ breath caught in his throat. Zayn’s eyes searched Louis’ face, his expression warm and open.

“Louis,” he marveled. His voice was steady, but Louis could see by the rise and fall of his chest that he was breathing fast.

“Zayn,” Louis replied.

They sat facing each other, a foot of distance between them. The space was tangible, and Louis felt a strong urge to close it. He’d kissed boys before, but it had never been anything serious. With Louis, most things were a joke. But seeing Zayn in front of him, his eyes half open, his legs spread apart - Louis wanted him in a very serious way. And so he pushed himself forward, pressed his knees against the armchair, and planted a kiss squarely on Zayn’s lips.

They tumbled back against the driver’s side door, Zayn breaking their fall with a laughing _oof_. Their teeth connected, and Louis pulled back and covered his mouth in pain and embarrassment. Zayn chuckled. He brought his hand up to scratch Louis’ scalp, smiling fondly, and Louis relaxed against Zayn’s chest. He moved to kiss Zayn again, this time with care and patience. The kiss was gentle, and soft, and Louis smiled against Zayn’s lips.

Zayn combed his fingers through Louis’ hair, and Louis felt a shiver run through him. Louis opened his mouth slightly and Zayn slipped his tongue inside. He ran his cool hand down Louis’ back and under the hem of his t-shirt, and the shock of it caused Louis to gasp and break their kiss. Zayn craned his neck slightly to bring their mouths together again.

Desire spread through Louis’ body like fire, and he scrambled over the armrest and into Zayn’s lap. Zayn responded with a giggle, but Louis quickly silenced him pushing his tongue into Zayn’s mouth and repositioning himself so that he was straddling Zayn. His hands were everywhere - combing through Zayn’s hair, rubbing the back of his neck, lifting up his shirt to caress his abdomen. He could feel Zayn getting hard beneath him, and it only made him want more.

“Wait, wait,” Zayn breathed, placing a hand on Louis chest. Louis lifted his head back slightly to look at Zayn, his hands pressing against Zayn’s ribs. Zayn’s eyes were dilated and his lips were swollen from kissing. Louis wanted to lean down and kiss him again, he couldn’t think of anything else, but Zayn lifted a hand and cupped his face. “I want to do this,” he said, rubbing his thumb over Louis’ bottom lip. “I’ve wanted to do this since last night at the beach. Maybe since the first moment I saw you - sassy boy sitting all alone at the bar in a Ross uniform.” Louis drew Zayn’s thumb into his mouth and sucked at the tip, causing Zayn to moan and laugh at the same time. “Louis,” he pleaded, holding Louis’ face with both hands. “Let’s go back to my place. I want to do this right.”

Louis nodded his head in agreement. “Can I at least kiss you for a bit longer before we go?”

Zayn smiled his crooked, goofy smile and pulled Louis down to him again.

\------------------------------------------------

Zayn’s room was really a converted attic. The low, gabled ceilings were lined with natural wood paneling, and light streamed in from two windows that looked out over the street below. An old entertainment center took up the entire wall by the door. It held books and albums and potted plants and a 5-CD changer stereo. Zayn’s bed was a mattress on the floor covered neatly by a quilt, and an empty apple crate served as his bedside table. And every wall was covered in art. Drawings on coasters and torn sketch paper were grouped together and hung with masking tape, and one entire wall was a spray painted mural of a man in the woods with a tent. He was hunched over a lantern that cast a green light onto every surface.

“Is that the Green Lantern?” Louis asked. Zayn was sitting on his bed across the room and unlacing his doc martens.

“Yeah, he’s my favorite superhero. When I was a kid, we would go camping as a family and I would run around with the coleman lantern and pretend I was Hal Jordan. So that mural is kind of my idea of what it would be like if the Green Lantern went camping.”

“Cool, cool,” Louis said, as casually as possible. He sat down in a plush chair in the corner of the room, bouncing his leg up and down. He looked over at Zayn, who remained sitting on the bed. Zayn smiled. Louis felt the sudden urge to move, so he jumped up and walked to the other side of the room to examine some more drawings. He stopped in front of a drawing of a man who looked distinctly like Niall. He had a long beard made of kelp, and his pupils were in the shape of five-pointed stars. The lines were drawn in thick black ink and colored in with blue, green and yellow highlighter.

“Niall looks good in seaweed,” Louis remarked, bouncing on his toes. “This was drawn under the influence of drugs, that’s for sure. I mean, not that I’m judging, all the best artists are either drunk or high 99% of the time. I’m a big fan of drugs - not like an addict, I only use heroin on the weekends. Haha, jokes…” Louis trailed off.

Zayn just smiled and scratched his beard.“I drew that when we were on mushrooms. Niall couldn’t stop telling the same story, about this one time when he went overboard in a storm and his lungs filled with water. Harry told Niall that his beard looked like seaweed, and then that was the only thing I could see for like the next hour, every time I looked at him.”

Louis laughed a little too loudly and finally admitted to himself that he was extremely nervous. His high had almost completely worn off during the drive home, and seeing Zayn on his bed, his body relaxed, face framed by soft, dark waves… the reality of what was happening, what could happen, if he wanted it to, set in. Louis was usually the one that people looked to, the one that took charge. Alone with Zayn, in his room, he felt jittery and unprepared.

“I’ve never done this before,” he blurted. “I mean, sex stuff. With a guy.”

Zayn nodded. “That’s okay,” he replied after a moment. Then he smiled, gently. “We are friends, Louis, first and foremost. And it can stay that way, if you want it to. Anything beyond that would be cool, and… special. But it’s not the most important thing.” Zayn put his elbows on his knees and leaned forward. “The most important thing is our friendship. You, and me.”

Louis felt his himself relax a little, and he leaned against the wall. “Okay,” he said.

“Do you mind if I turn on some music?” Zayn asked, moving toward the entertainment center. Louis gave a thumbs up, and then felt stupid, but Zayn gave him a thumbs up back and turned on the stereo. The song was poppy and punky and fast, and Louis smirked when Zayn began to nod his head to the beat. Zayn swayed into the middle of the room, his hands out at his sides, whipping his hair back and forth. Then he stopped and looked up at Louis, placing a hand over his heart and mouthing along to the lyrics:

 _We've been walking through the hard times_  
_See the good news vanish way before it's shown_  
_But i don't fake a smile , cuz i know the time is going_  
_Taking advantage while --while the chance is good_

Zayn rolled his hips through the air and held his arms out to Louis, who laughed and jumped in, skanking circles around the room. Soon Zayn was jumping on his bed, and Louis was singing at the top of his lungs:

 _Yeah! You got the hard times on your side_  
_Kicks you down, more than you ever been before_  
_Take a second try, you'll be home before you know it_  
_Taking advantage while, while you're young and while your chance is good_ [x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gcu0pqtdAO0)

Louis and Zayn were leaning on each other by the time the song ended, laughing and breathing heavily. The stereo was on shuffle, and Louis recognized the Built to Spill song as it opened with a slow and steady drum solo. The guitar was twangy and distorted, rolling and sensual. Zayn looked up at Louis and blushed slightly.

“Here, I’ll switch the song,” he offered, turning toward the stereo.

Louis caught his hand and held it. “No,” he said. Zayn turned to face him. “I mean… I like it.” He took a step forward and placed his hands on Zayn’s shoulders. Then he closed his eyes and pressed their foreheads together.

 _I can't get that sound you make out of my head_  
_I can't even figure out what's making it_  
_No one else around even seems to be noticing_  
_It's only small enough for me_

They swayed back and forth to the music. Zayn placed his on Louis’ shoulders, lightly massaging the nape of his neck. Louis could feel Zayn’s warm breath on his face, and he leaned forward, pressing his hands against Zayn’s shoulders, testing. Zayn pushed back, and his breath quickened. They stayed like that, pushing and pulling, lips inches apart.

 _I can't get that sound you make out of my head_  
_I can't even figure out what's making it_  
_It feels like fingernails across the moon_  
_Or do you rub your wings together?_ [x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hvBQnrOPII)

“I want this,” Louis whispered. “Zayn, I want you.”

Zayn placed a hand under Louis’ chin and lifted his face into a gentle kiss. They kissed slowly, bodies pressed together, moving with the music. Louis opened his mouth and Zayn responded, sucking on his lower lip. It was so much already, but not enough, and Louis felt desire taking over. He stumbled backwards until his calves were butting up against the side of the bed, pulling Zayn with him. They fell backwards on the bed, and the weight of Zayn on top of him felt so good, so right - Louis grabbed Zayn by the waist of his jeans and pulled him closer. Zayn let out a moan, and Louis ground up against him.

“God, Louis, you’re so fucking sexy,” Zayn groaned, biting lightly at Louis’ neck. Louis hips jerked up involuntarily and he gasped for air, moving his head to find Zayn’s lips and kiss him deeply. Zayn’s mouth was hot and slick, and Louis moaned as he licked inside of it.

Zayn rolled over and pulled Louis on top of him. His hands moved down to Louis’ ass, squeezing. Louis pulled away and arched his back. He could feel Zayn’s cock through his pants, could feel himself hardening, and he let out a needy groan as he slotted their legs together and rubbed himself against Zayn. Zayn fumbled at the hem of Louis’ shirt and pulled it up to his shoulders. Louis took the cue and sat up to straddle Zayn, pulling his shirt off over the top of his head. His hair fell in his eyes and he pushed it back, running a hand down Zayn’s stomach.

“You have too many clothes on,” he complained, pulling at Zayn’s henley. Zayn laughed and moved Louis to the side so that he could sit up and remove his t-shirt. Then he laid back down and looked up at Louis, one arms tucked behind his head and the other massaging circles in Louis’ hip.

Louis ran a hand over Zayn’s heavily tattooed arm, dragging his fingertips lightly over each image. Zayn closed his eyes. His hair was spread out around his head like a halo, and his cheeks were flushed. Louis traced an outline of the wings tattooed across his chest, and bent to gingerly press his lips to the red lipstick kiss on his sternum. Zayn hummed in pleasure.

“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” Louis whispered. He ran his thumb over Zayn’s eyebrow and down this cheek. Zayn opened his eyes and smiled, lowering his hand to massage Louis’ ass and grind up into him. Louis moaned and he bent down to find Zayn’s lips again. He pressed his hand against the outline of Zayn’s cock, pleased when Zayn lifted his hips up for more. Louis undid the button on Zayn’s jeans, unzipped his fly, and reached inside.

This was Louis’ first time touching a dick that was not his own, but he figured the mechanics should all be the same. Zayn’s cock was already leaking, and Louis held him in one hand while using his thumb to spread the precum across the tip.

Zayn moaned softly and tilting his head back. He reached his hand down to slowly guide Louis up and down along his length. Louis could feel Zayn’s cock swelling and getting harder in his hand, and he pressed down on the front of his own jeans in earnest. He moved to reposition himself over Zayn’s body, wanting to take off his pants, wanting him to be naked.

Zayn slowly opened his eyes and smirked at Louis, who was struggling to pull Zayn’s pants down. Louis glared and then nuzzled his face into Zayn’s crotch, eager and intent. Zayn moaned loudly and then his hand was in Louis’ hair, pulling him up into a passionate kiss. Louis felt himself go lax as Zayn licked into his mouth. Then he placed one hand on Louis’ waist and the other on his back, turning them over. Louis made a disappointed sound when Zayn broke their kiss, but Zayn pressed him down into the mattress firmly, and he went quiet.

“Let me take care of you,” Zayn breathed. He licked his lips and gently kissed Louis on each eyebrow, on his cheekbone, on the underside of his jaw. Louis moaned and rocked himself up into Zayn, but Zayn continued to shower him with gentle kisses until he was calm.

Zayn pressed his lips to Louis’ one last time before pulling back slightly and looking into his eyes. “I want to take care of you,” he repeated. His eyes searched Louis’ face, the enlarged pupils surrounded by gold-flecked irises. “Do you want me to?” He kissed the tip of Louis’ nose and slowly ground his hips in a circle.

“Yes,” Louis gasped. “Please.”

Zayn kissed Louis softly and then moved down, dragging his lips down Louis’ chest, across his soft belly, along the waist of his jeans. Every time Louis would squirm, Zayn would place a hand on his hip to steady him, and Louis could feel himself opening like a flower under Zayn’s caresses. Zayn unzipped Louis jeans and shimmied them down and off. His dick was hard and throbbing, and Zayn bent down gently to kiss and mouth at it through his boxers.

Louis had tried his best to be calm, but he was only human. “Jesus fucking christ, Zayn!” Louis exclaimed, his hips jerking up. “Do something or I’m going to die!” Zayn laughed softly and pulled Louis’ boxers off in one movement. He climbed down so that he was kneeling at the side of the bed, then pulled Louis’ hips towards him, grabbed his cock in one hand, and took him into his mouth.

“Fuck!” Louis moaned, balling up the quilt in his fists. Zayn hummed happily around his dick, bringing his mouth up to slide his tongue under the head and suck at the tip. Louis rocked his hips up and Zayn responded by stroking him quickly, moving his mouth and hand up and down in a steady rhythm.

Louis could feel his orgasm building, and he put a hand in Zayn’s long hair and pulled. “ Zayn,” he called out, breathing heavily. “Zayn, I can’t… you… you’re… I’m going to…” Zayn began to move faster, squeezing Louis’ cock firmly and twisting his wrist at the head, moaning softly. Louis came immediately, his vision going white, his back arching, his lips giving up an involuntary shout as he shot into Zayn’s mouth. Zayn kept one hand on Louis’ dick and placed the other on his hips, holding him firmly through the shudders of his orgasm. When Louis finally came down, Zayn was rubbing his calfs and gently kissing the inside of his thigh.

“That,” Louis began, “was the best fucking thing that’s ever happened to me.” Zayn smiled, clearly pleased with himself. Louis reached his hand out and Zayn climbed up onto the bed, laying beside Louis and pulling him into his arms. They spooned for a while, their breath rising and falling together. Louis smiled and dipped his head to kiss Zayn’s arm, and Zayn squeezed him gently.

“Can I go down on you now?” Louis yawned, stretching lazily and pressing his ass back against Zayn. The late afternoon light was filtering through open blinds, illuminating the particles of dust that floated through the air.

“Yeah, in a bit,” Zayn chuckled. He kissed Louis’ shoulder. “Right now I’d really just like to sleep here in my bed, with you.” Louis turned to kiss Zayn deep and long, cradling his face in his hands.

“Hell yeah,” he mumbled sleepily. Zayn kicked off his jeans and they both climbed under the covers, pressing their bodies together. The last thing Louis noted before he fell asleep was the sound of Zayn’s soft breathing against his neck.

\-----------------------------------------------------

“Zayn, wake up,” Louis whispered. “Your roof is gone.”

Zayn grunted and pulled Louis in closer, burrowing his head into the back of his neck. “Zaaayn,” Louis whined, rolling up onto his side and pinching Zayn’s nipple. Zayn grabbed his hand and kissed it, but did not open his eyes. “I know you’re awake,” Louis sassed. He rolled away like he was getting out of bed, but Zayn threw a leg over his hips and pinned him down. Louis laughed and turned to face Zayn, who kept his eyes closed but couldn’t control the smile hinting at his lips. “Wake up, you fucker!” Louis growled, tickling Zayn’s sides until he finally opened his eyes and pulled Louis into a kiss.

Louis sighed happily, content with his victory and soothed by the kiss. “Zayn, look,” he encouraged, rolling onto his back to look up at the ceiling.

It was dark in Zayn’s room, the only light coming from an immensity of neon green stars that shone above the bed. Some were grouped close together, forming little constellations, while others stood out like solitary planets.

“Mmm,” Zayn murmured, taking Louis’ hand under the covers and squeezing it gently. “These were already up when we moved into the house a few years ago. I think this used to be a little kid’s room.”

Louis lifted his head so that it was resting on Zayn’s shoulder. “I love them,” he said, lazily drawing his fingers along the outside of Zayn’s thigh. “When I was a kid, you could see so many stars in Bellevue. I used to climb on the roof and look at them, until my mom found out I was climbing on the roof and made me promise I’d only stargaze from the ground.” Louis rolled over and pressed his head to Zayn’s chest. His heartbeat was slow and steady. “Now you can’t see shit because of the light pollution.”

Zayn ran his fingers through Louis’ hair and kissed the top of his head. They stayed like that for a bit, looking at the stars and and cuddling under the blankets.

“Have you always known you liked guys?” Louis asked, softly. Zayn reached down to rub Louis’ back, his hand moving in slow, soothing circles.

“I think some people just “know,” Zayn began, “but I wasn't one of those people. I think for some people, its like, you meet someone who is the same gender as you and you really like them, and then it opens up a whole other part of the world to you, something you never imagined for yourself but that suddenly makes so much sense.” He ran his hand down Louis’ arm. “I had my first crush on a guy in high school, this guys who played on the baseball team. At first I thought I just really admired him, and that was probably part of it. Then we were at this house party and we were waiting for the bathroom, and he kissed me. And I really liked it. So that’s when I realized that I could like guys, too. That that was a thing that was part of me.”

“What happened with him?”

“We made out a few more times, mostly at parties. Then we graduated and he went to Oregon State on a baseball scholarship. I see him sometimes at the Anchor Tavern when he’s back in town, usually around the Holidays. It’s fine, but we don’t keep in touch.”

Louis drew his finger tips across Zayn’s chest. “You’re the first guy I've ever felt this way about,” he said.

Zayn nibbled at his ear. “And what way is that, exactly?” He asked.

Louis lifted his head up to see Zayn grinning. “You’re really going to make me say it first, aren't you, you asshole?” He asked, pinching Zayn’s side. Zayn giggled and grabbed Louis’ wrists, flipping him on his back and pinning him to the bed.

“I like you,” Louis said, going quiet. Zayn smiled and bent his head to kiss Louis, who whimpered softly at his touch.

“I like you, too,” he replied. “And I’m really fucking glad you missed that ferry.”

They kissed again, and Louis wrapped his arms around Zayn’s body to hold him close. In that moment, in the darkness of Zayn’s bedroom, the rest of the world faded away, and they were all that existed - he and Zayn, hidden, protected, untouchable.

Zayn trailed kisses across Louis’ jaw and down his neck. “Hungry?” he mumbled in Louis’ collarbone.

Louis flipped them over and clucked his tongue. “I know I offered earlier, but there are more polite ways of asking, Zayn.” He smiled wickedly as his hand slipped into Zayn’s boxers.

Zayn breathed in sharply and let out a laugh. “I was talking about blueberry fritters from the 24 hour donut shop, but I’m not complaining. Is this my prize for winning the knife throwing game?”

Louis cocked one eyebrow and grinned. “Yes to the donuts and maybe to the prize,” he said before disappearing under the covers.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

Time stood still during the next few days. At least, that’s what it seemed like to Louis. He called his mom on Sunday to let her know he was still in Anacortes, and managed to mollify her curiosity by explaining that he had met someone and promising to tell her all about it when he got home. Zayn had to be back at the docks starting Monday morning to help the fishermen unload and scrub down the boats, but during the afternoons, he and Louis did as they pleased. They bought the new 764-HERO CD and listened to it while smoking weed and laying on the shag carpet in Zayn’s room. They hiked in Washington Park with Liam and built a fort out of fallen branches. On Wednesday, Louis tried to cook lunch for Zayn and ended up lighting the stove on fire, so Zayn dealt with the fire and then laid Louis out across the kitchen table and dealt with Louis. Later they went to see Bret’s show at the Anchor Tavern, and Zayn kept his arm slung over Louis’ shoulder the entire night. Niall kissed Louis on the cheek, welcoming him to the family, and Harry played “Loverboy” by Mariah Carey on the jukebox and dedicated it to them. Liam had a couple beers and then told them he loved them both, hugging them tightly, tears welling up in his eyes. It would have been far too much if Louis had not felt so unbelievably, sublimely happy.

Zayn took Louis’ out on the water on Thursday, the day before he left Anacortes. They didn't know then that he would be leaving the next day, but they both knew it would happen at some point. They pushed “the conversation” back and it became bigger and bigger, like a stack of dirty dishes. Louis felt increasingly on-edge.

“I don’t want to go home,” Louis finally said, testing. He was leaning over the side of the motorboat, moving his hand through the cold salt water. Zayn had driven them out into Padilla Bay and they were currently anchored off of Hat Island, their legs tangled together in the bottom of the boat, floating aimlessly.

“I don’t want you to go, either,” Zayn replied. He leaned over to kiss Louis’ shoulder. “I guess you do have to go back at some point, though. To see your family, at least.”

Louis splashed some water up at Zayn, then snuggled into his chest. “What if you came with me?” He asked. “Like, to Seattle. I’ll get a job there and you can come, too." Louis sat up quickly, excited. The words came pouring out of him. "You could bring Harry and Niall and Liam and we can all rent a house together on Capitol Hill. People would love your band there, you guys are so fucking talented! Zayn… you guys could be a big thing. YOU could be a big thing.” He grabbed Zayn’s hand and squeezed it, his eyes searching Zayn’s face.

Zayn sat up as well and smiled, but Louis could see that he was uneasy. “Move to Seattle?” Zayn lifted Louis’ hand and pressed it to his mouth. “Louis, I like you… a lot. But I can’t leave Anacortes. My friends are here, my family is here… my life is here. I’m happy in Anacortes. I want to stay here and make something for this town.”

“What about making something for yourself?” Louis shot back. He knew he was being defensive, but he had a hard time stopping once he got going. “I mean, don’t you want to be successful? You're so talented, with music and with art… if you just booked a few shows… I mean, you could even try some solo stuff, if that’s what’s worrying you -”

Zayn narrowed his eyes, his face going dark. “Why are you pushing this, Louis?” He asked, his voice tense. “You can’t just bulldoze over everyone, you know. I told you I want to stay here, so why don’t you listen? “

“Since when am I a bulldozer? Zayn, I’m not forcing you here, I’m just trying to make you see -”

“I’m not interested in Seattle,” Zayn interrupted, his voice resolute.

Louis felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. When Zayn had said _I’m not interested in Seattle_ , all Louis could hear was _I’m not interested in you_ , and the bleakness of his life, of Bellevue, of dead-end jobs, of never having enough money, of always feeling like he was less - it all came flooding back. He’d been fooling himself this entire time. Louis felt sad, and small, and so he did what he did best - he got angry.

“Listen, Zayn, I’m just trying to do you a favor. Do you really want to waste your life in this small town? Because trust me, I’ve done it, and I feel like the world is closing in around me. What are you going to do, work part-time at the dock your whole life? Don’t you want to see what’s out there? What are you so afraid of?”

Zayn dropped Louis’ hand. “Is that what you think I’m doing?” He asked softly. “Wasting my life?”

The light in Zayn’s eyes, the one that shone when he smiled at Louis, when he laughed with Louis, that burned and smoldered when they kissed - the light was gone. Louis felt the urge to throw himself at Zayn, to hold him and claw at him and beg Zayn to love him. Anything to make the light come back. But he knew that he had hurt Zayn, and that Zayn might reject him, and he didn't think he could bear that.

“You tell me,” Louis said.

Zayn was quiet after that. He didn’t speak at all on the boat ride home. He just stared out over the water, his hair blowing in the wind, his eyes pointed toward home.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Louis took the bus out of Anacortes the next morning. He had apologized to Zayn when they got back to his place, and Zayn had accepted, but it did nothing to dispel the finality of their conversation on the boat. Louis wanted to move to Seattle, and Zayn wanted to stay in Anacortes. They would not be together. They promised to stay in touch, and Louis reminded himself that he would be fine. But the absence of anger made way for sadness, and panic, and he found himself awake in Zayn’s arms all night, waiting for the morning and the first bus that promised escape.

Zayn insisted on walking Louis to the bus stop. Louis was wearing his Ross uniform, even though Zayn had told him he could take his Misfits t-shirt with him. “I’m really going to miss you, Louis.” Zayn raised a hand up to caress the back of Louis’ neck, his fingers warm and comforting. “Maybe I could come visit you, in Seattle.”

Louis smiled his bravest smile and nodded fervently. “Yeah dude, totally,” he said. “Just hit me up whenever you are in town and we can totally hang out.”

Zayn gave him a perplexed look. His expression softened slightly, and he took Louis’ hand. “Can I kiss you goodbye?” He asked.

Louis nodded his head and Zayn stepped forward, taking Louis into his arms and kissing him gently. Louis felt his guard slipping as he relaxed into the kiss, and he allowed himself to feel just how much he would miss this - the forest, the boys, Anacortes. Zayn.

When they finally broke their kiss, Louis forced himself to smile. “See you soon, take care!” he chirped brightly.

“You too, Louis,” Zayn replied.

Louis boarded the bus and settled into a window seat. He could see Zayn outside on the sidewalk, his hands stuffed into his pockets. Louis pressed his face against the glass and Zayn laughed, waving as the bus pulled away. Louis smiled and waved back but all he could think was _why am I so bad at this, why do I fuck everything up_. He thought of the album that Zayn liked to listen to before he went to bed, the song with words that echoed his most private thoughts, that laid them bare:

 _Let's none of us forget about who we are_  
_So choose a path and follow it_  
_Take a pill and swallow it_

 _If we sleep together, Would it make it any better?_  
_If we sleep together, Would you be my friend forever?_ [x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmvprXKK1Bo)

Louis watched as Zayn grew smaller and disappeared around the corner, and only then did he allow himself to cry.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

**June 2002**

_*Bleep bleep bloop bleep bleep bleep bleep_  
_Ding ding diiiing duuuh ding_  
_Buh Nah Buuuuh Nah_  
_Sksshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*_

 **AnacortesBadBoi** (10:12;33 PM): heyyy louis how r u doing?  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (10:12:54 PM): this is zayn btw  
**The_Tommo_666** (10:14:12 PM): ASL?  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (10:14:45 PM): LOL f u  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (10:14:56 PM): how r things?  
**The_Tommo_666**  (10:15:20 PM): haha im good. just finished unpacking the last boxes in my new apt. how r u?  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (10:15:45 PM): nice! where did u end up finding a place?  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (10:15:58 PM): things r good here in anacortes, just hanging out at the house right now  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (10:16:07 PM): harry says hi  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (10:16:15 PM): he is amazed that we r chatting online right now, he doesnt know anything about computers LOL  
**The_Tommo_666**  (10:16:45 PM): haha tell harry i say hi  
**The_Tommo_666**  (10:16:53 PM): im renting a studio in lower queen anne, its pretty sweet. just got a job working at the seattle art museum too  
**The_Tommo_666** (10:17:10 PM): im working with their school engagement team  
**The_Tommo_666** (10:17:15 PM): i start on monday  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (10:17:30 PM): thats awesome! congratulations :)  
**The_Tommo_666**  (10:17:55 PM): thanks zayn :)  
**The_Tommo_666** (10:18:25 PM): im really glad u messaged me. i was thinking about u today  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (10:18:43 PM): i was thinking about u too louis  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (10:18:58 PM): im rly glad to hear that ur doing well  
**The_Tommo_666** (10:19:20 PM): thanks zayn :)  
**The_Tommo_666** (10:19:32 PM): o shit a cat just came in thru my window  
**The_Tommo_666** (10:19:37 PM): a stranger cat  
**The_Tommo_666** (10:19:45 PM): can i give u a call in like 10 min?  
**The_Tommo_666** (10:19:58 PM): or however long it takes me to get this cat to go back outside  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (10:20:11 PM): yeah! ill be here :) haha ttyl  
Autoresponse from **The_Tommo_666** (10:20:12): CAT

\------------------------------------------------------------

 **The_Tommo_666** (2:02:12 AM) hi zayn  
**The_Tommo_666** (2:02:34 AM) zaaaaaaaayyyynnn  
**The_Tommo_666** (2:03:04 AM) zayn im drunk  
**AnacortesBadBoi** signed on at 2:15:24 AM  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (2:15:35 AM): louis! r u still there?  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (2:15:42 AM): LOL me too, we just played a show at the Anchor Tavern  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (2:16:09 AM): everybody was asking about u :)  
**The_Tommo_666** (2:17:32 AM): zayn! hooray!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**The_Tommo_666** (2:17:50 AM): of course they were im hella famous there  
**The_Tommo_666** (2:17:59 AM): HAHAHAHAHA jk  
**The_Tommo_666** (2:18:08 AM): how was the show?  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (2:18:30 AM): it was good! bret was there and he was talking to liam and me and waliyha about found feathers opening for his band at a show in seattle???? idk  
**The_Tommo_666** (2:18:48 AM): WHAT zayn that is so fucking cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**The_Tommo_666** (2:18:57 AM): congratulations :)  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (2:19:09 AM): thanks ill let u know if it ends up happening :)  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (2:19:15 AM): how was ur night?  
**The_Tommo_666** (2:19:55 AM): it was good! i went out with some coworkers to this all ages music venue called the vera project, it was so fucking cool  
**The_Tommo_666** (2:20:10 AM): its right under the space needle u would fucking love it man  
**The_Tommo_666** (2:20:25 AM): then we went to this place called the 5 point cafe and drank manhattans with these gutter punks it was like the best night of my life  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (2:20:55 AM): thats awesome :) haha sounds like work is going well?  
**The_Tommo_666** (2:21:13 AM): yeah im learning a lot. turns out im good with kids and my boss is like actually cool for the first time in my life  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (2:21:40 AM): yesss! living the dream :)  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (2:23:29 AM): louis im gunna turn in i have to work at the docks tmrw  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (2:23:45 AM): want to chat on the phone tmrw night? I want to play this new song we recorded for u  
**The_Tommo_666** (2:24:02 AM): YES that sounds awesome  
**The_Tommo_666** (2:24:10 AM): have sweet dreams zayn  
**The_Tommo_666** (2:24:15 AM): miss u  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (2:24:34 AM): i miss u too louis  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (2:25:40 AM): xoxo  
**AnacortesBadBoi** signed off at 2:25:49 AM

\------------------------------------------------------------------

 **AnacortesBadBoi** (8:45:10 PM): hey dude whats up?  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (8:45:15 PM): so we got that gig in seattle :)  
**The_Tommo_666** (8:45:39 PM): what???? dude that is so awesome!!! congratulations :)  
**The_Tommo_666** (8:45:55 PM): dude i shouted and scared the cat off my lap  
**The_Tommo_666** (8:46:02 PM): that cat comes in all the time we are homies now nbd  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (8:46:13 PM): LOL of course u r :)  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (8:46:19 PM): yeah im excited but also super nervous, the show is in like 2 weeks so we have lots to prepare  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (8:46:25 PM): liam broke his crash cymbal the other day and he is rly sad about it so we r going to have a baked good sale at the business to buy him a new one b4 the show  
**The_Tommo_666** (8:46:35 PM): awww poor leeyum  
**The_Tommo_666** (8:46:49 PM): baked goods, huh? r these going to be special brownies? ;)  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (8:47:19 PM): LOL no just regular brownies. im not here to corrupt the youth! ;)  
**The_Tommo_666** (8:47:30 PM): pity ;) where r u guys playing in seattle  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (8:47:40 PM): ummm… ur not going to believe this  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (8:47:49 PM): the place is called sit  & spin  
**The_Tommo_666** (8:47:53 PM): the SIT and SPIN?  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (8:47:55 PM): its like a cafe/laundromat thats also a nightclub  
**The_Tommo_666** (8:48:05 PM): THE SIT AND SPIN  
**The_Tommo_666** (8:48:08 PM): YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING  
**The_Tommo_666** (8:48:10 PM): THAT IS THE GREATEST NAME EVER  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (8:48:20 PM): haha thought youd like that ;)  
**The_Tommo_666** (8:48:32 PM): zayn i am so excited to see u! send me all the info about the show this is going to be the fucking best  
**AnacortesBadBoi** (8:48:40 PM): thanks louis :) see you soon!  
**The_Tommo_666** (8:48:45 PM): SIT AND SPINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Louis ducked inside and pulled the hood of his rain jacket off his head, shaking his hair out like a wet dog. The picture frame windows of the Sit & Spin were fogged with condensation, so he hadn’t been sure what to expect. He was not disappointed. The floor was black and white checkered tile, and front loading washers and dryers lined one entire wall. Tables and chairs were stacked in the corner to make room for all the people who crowded in front of a stage at the back of the room. Louis looked around for Zayn, going up on his tippy toes and peering out over the crowd.

“Louuuweee!” A voice called out as someone rushed into him, scooping him up into a full body hug. Harry squeezed him tightly, planting a kiss on his cheek before setting him down again. He was wearing a bright blue hawaiian shirt that was unbuttoned down to his stomach, his long hair ending in perfect, greasy ringlets. “Niall, look who I found!” Harry grabbed Louis’ hand and dragged him to the bar, where Niall was busy ordering a pitcher of beer.

“Louis!” Niall laughed, slinging an arm over his shoulder. “Where the fuck have you been?”

“Around here! Just working, trying to pay rent.” Louis squeezed Niall’s shoulder and accepted a pint of beer. “Where’s Zayn and Liam?”

“They’re in the green room, the shows gonna start in a few.” Niall took a sip of beer and clapped Louis on the back. “Can you believe it! This place has a fucking green room! It’s no Anchor Tavern of course,” he added, raising his beer in Harry’s direction. “But this is pretty fucking sick.”

Harry lead the way to the front of the stage, politely tapping people on the shoulder and asking for permission as they moved their way through the crowd. “Our friends are up there,” he explained. “Can we get by? Thanks so much! That’s really sweet, thank you!”

Brightly colored spot lights and a string of incandescent bulbs hung across the stage, the only colorful objects in a sea of black equipment and walls. Niall pushed Louis up in front of him as Zayn, Waliyha and Liam walked on stage. “He’ll want to see you,” Niall smiled, encouraging.

“Hello, Seattle!” Waliyha called out, waving her hand at the crowd. “Wow, it feels really fucking cool to say that.” She turned around and smiled at her bandmates. “We’re Found Feathers and we’ve come from Anacortes to play some music for you tonight.” Niall and Harry hollered in approval, and Louis whistled. Then Liam counted off, and the music began.

Louis didn’t think that Zayn could get any more attractive, but apparently, he could. He was wearing a plain black t-shirt, black jeans, and a studded belt, and he had trimmed a few inches of his hair so that it just hit below his jaw line. It had been a month since they last saw each other, and Louis was immediately transported back to the night they first met - Zayn on stage, bent over his bass, relaxed and goofy. Tonight, though, Zayn was different - he seemed more confident, more charged. One moment pure sex and body and the next ethereal, ascending.

Tonight was also different because they were different. They had shared things, like joints and straws and clothes, but also other, intangible things - they had laughed together, they had fought, they had tried to make it right again. And they had seen each other naked. When Zayn licked the corner of his mouth, Louis could remember the taste of his tongue. When he plucked at the bass strings, Louis could remember those fingers on his body, coaxing him, pulling him, steady and insistent. Zayn's hand in his hair was Louis’ hand, his lips, Louis’ lips. Louis couldn't remember how he had gotten through the past month without him.

Zayn found them when the show was over. He hugged Waliyha and Liam, then came down off the stage and hugged Harry and Niall before turning to Louis

“Hi,” Zayn said. He flashed his crooked smile and scuffed his shoe.

“Hi,” Louis said. It was all he could do to keep from falling forward into Zayn’s arms.

“We’re gonna leave you two alone,” Niall said, placing his hands on Harry’s shoulders to steer him toward the bar. “Great show, Malik.”

“Thanks Niall,” Zayn replied, his eyes never leaving Louis’.

They stood like that for a while, staring at each other and grinning shyly, until Louis couldn’t take it anymore. “Fuck it, come here,” he said, pulling Zayn into a hug. Zayn smelled like cologne and sweat, and Louis allowed his lips to lightly brush against the shell of Zayn’s ear. “It’s so good to see you,” he said.

Zayn rubbed a circle in Louis’ back before they broke apart. “You too,” he replied. “I missed you so much, Louis.”

There was nothing that Louis wanted more than to kiss Zayn and never let him go. He’d imagined this meeting a hundred times, what he would say, what Zayn would say, and what they would do, after. He could feel the sharp pull of arousal bloom inside him, and he leaned in to whisper in Zayn’s ear.

“Come with me.” he breathed. Zayn said goodbye to his friends and stepped out into the rain with Louis, their fingers laced together.

\--------------------------------------------------------

“It’s not much, but it’s something,” Louis warned as he opened the door. His one room studio was on the second floor of an old brick apartment building. The hardwood floors and white walls looked rather barren, but Louis had tried his best to brighten up the place with a sting of twinkle lights and some screen-printed posters.

“Let me give you the tour.” He began by gesturing toward a countertop and hotplate. “This is the kitchen, where I don’t cook because I don’t have anything to cook with.” He pointed to a small table and desktop computer. “This is my office, where I sometimes work from home and also send instant messages and reign over my Sims.” He pointed to the mattress on the ground and blushed slightly. “This is my bedroom.”

Zayn leaned against the table and looked around. “Sweet place,” he said, rubbing his hand along his jaw.

Louis almost ran as me moved to place himself between Zayn’s legs. “I missed you,” he said, putting his arms around Zayn’s neck. Zayn leaned forward and Louis savored each familiarity as they kissed - Zayn’s hands on his hips, the feel of his soft beard against Louis’ cheeks, the faint, sweet taste of weed on his tongue. Louis licked into his mouth and sighed happily as Zayn pulled him in closer.

“I missed you so much, Louis,” Zayn said, trailing kisses along the underside of his jaw. “I don’t think a single day has gone by that I haven’t thought of you.” Louis smiled as he basked in Zayn’s attention. He lifted his head up to give Zayn a better angle, and moaned happily when Zayn began to suck and nibble on his neck.

“It’s feels so good to be with you,” Louis breathed before pulling back slightly. “But I want to say something before I lose my head.” He looked into Zayn’s eyes and continued. “I know that we kind of talked about this over the phone, but I want to say it again, in person. I am so sorry that I hurt you, Zayn. That day on the boat. I felt like you were rejecting me, and I got defensive. And I got mean. You have been nothing but welcoming and honest since the moment I met you, and I took my insecurities out on you." Louis took a deep breathe. "I just wanted to tell you that I care about you, Zayn. You are funny and kind and mischievous and you get me like no one else does.”

Zayn took Louis’ hand in his and kissed it. “Louis," he began, "I know you wanted me to come with you. Part of me really wanted to, and I’m sorry I shut you down so quickly. I just don’t handle pressure very well, and I felt like you were counting on me to do something…” Zayn sighed and put his hand over his eyes. “The truth is, I don’t want to be “successful” like that. Not in the way that you were talking about. Not if it means leaving behind the people and places that matter to me.” He put his hand on Louis’ shoulder and continued. “But Louis, YOU matter to me, and that’s why this whole fucking situation is so confusing. I hope you can understand why I freaked out.”

Louis leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Zayn, hugging him tightly. “Of course I understand,” he said. He pulled back and looked into Zayn’s eyes. “You’re my best friend, Zayn.”

“Best friends forever,” Zayn smiled, pressing their mouths together and folding Louis into his arms.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

That night they ordered pizza and smoked the rest of Louis’ weed. Zayn caught Louis up on life in Anacortes - apparently Niall and his girlfriend were still going strong, and Niall was thinking about moving in with her. They didn't want to look for a new roommate, and didn't want to move, so Harry, Liam and Zayn had decided to pick up extra shifts at work. Harry started working part-time at the Skagit Valley Co-op, and Liam was working five days a week at the Port. Harry was also bringing home a lot more produce from the Co-op and insisted on cooking “family night” dinners involving kale and setan, much to the other boys chagrin.

“Turns out, it’s kind of boring, and stressful, being an adult.” Zayn added, finishing off a slice of pepperoni pizza.

Cat had joined them and was currently curled up in a ball on Louis’ lap (Louis named it Cat because he wanted to keep healthy boundaries - _Cat is a guest_ , he explained). Louis took a hit off the pipe and hummed in agreement. “I know, right? I mean, I really enjoy my job and I like living in Seattle, but I feel like all my money goes to rent and take out and… other stuff.” He nodded toward the pipe and passed it to Zayn. “It’s like, what’s the point of all this, anyway? I used to think that having a good job and living in Seattle would mean I was successful, but who fucking knows. I’m glad to be out of Bellevue, but I still feel like something is missing.”

Zayn rubbed Louis’ ankle. “You’ll figure it out, Louis.” He said. “You always do.” He ran a hand along the inside of Louis’ leg. “I’m getting pretty jealous of Cat over there,” he pouted.

Louis pushed Cat and watched as it scampered toward the window before he crawled across the floor and into Zayn’s lap. “I’m right here,” he purred, nuzzling his head into Zayn’s shoulder.

Zayn took a hit of the pipe and lifted Louis’ face up to his own, slowing exhaling the smoke into his mouth. Louis twisted his fingers through Zayn’s hair and pulled him into a kiss. He licked lazily into Zayn’s mouth, enjoying the feeling of Zayn’s warm hands as they slide inside his shirt and up his sides. “God, I missed this,” he murmured, moving so that he was straddling Zayn. He could feel Zayn getting hard beneath him, and he pushed his hand between them to rub at Zayn’s cock through his jeans.

“Me too,” Zayn sighed, running his fingers through Louis’ hair and sucking at his bottom lip. Louis pulled Zayn to his feet and they walked, kissing and fumbling and giggling, toward the bed.

They kissed lazily for a while, taking off their clothes piece by piece and running their hands over each other’s bodies. “You’re so beautiful,” Zayn whispered, kissing Louis’ knuckles and sucking lightly at his fingertips. “I’ve never met anyone like you. I feel like I can be anything with you.” he ran his hand down Louis’ stomach. “ _Do_ anything with you.”

Louis rolled over so that they were spooning and began to arch his back, pressing his ass back to grind against Zayn’s cock. Zayn groaned and reached his hand around to rub up and down the length of Louis’ dick as it hardened. The heat in Louis' belly was spreading through his body and he grabbed a handful of Zayn’s hair, pulling him down so that Zayn could kiss and suck at his neck.

“Zayn, I want you,” Louis moaned, grinding back into Zayn. He could feel Zayn’s dick slipping between his cheeks and his whole body vibrated with pleasure. “I want you inside of me.”

Zayn gently pushed on Louis’ shoulder to turn him around so they were facing each other. He kissed Louis deeply, sucking on Louis’ tongue and causing him to whimper softly. “I want that, too,” he breathed, pushing Louis’ hair off his forehead to look into his eyes. His own eyes were dark and heavy-lidded. “I didn't bring anything with me, though.”

Louis pulled free just long enough to reach over the side of the bed and produce a plastic bag. “I was hoping this would happen tonight,” he grinned, opening the bag to reveal box of condoms and a bottle of lube. Zayn chuckled, taking the bag from Louis and setting it down at the end of the bed.

“We’ll go slowly,” he said, running his fingertips along Louis’ jawline. “I’m going to take care of you.”

Louis found Zayn’s mouth and kissed him hard, moaning when Zayn ran a hand over the curve of his ass and pressing lightly as his hole. He felt nervous, and excited, and safe in Zayn’s arms, and he sank willingly into the mattress as Zayn pressed a gentle hand against his chest. “Just tell me what you need,” Zayn said, kissing lightly at the inside of Louis’ thighs before reaching for the plastic bag.

Louis’ hips jerked uncontrollably as Zayn began to rub a lubed up finger against his hole. “I’m not even in yet,” he chuckled, nipping at Louis’ knee. Louis laughed and reached for Zayn’s wrist, giving it a squeeze. He gasped as Zayn pushed one finger in, slowly, working it around in gently circles.

“Is that okay?” Zayn asked, his hand moving at a steady rhythm. Louis nodded and Zayn pushed in another finger, working them together and apart in small movements. Louis could feel himself stretching around Zayn, and at first it burned but then it began to feel very good. His breath shuddered as Zayn pushed against his prostate, murmuring words of encouragement. “You’re doing so well, babe,” he whispered as he slipped a third finger in. “You look so fucking hot. I can’t wait to be inside of you, too feel you all around me.” Louis moaned and ground down onto Zayn’s hand, chasing the fullness of his fingers.

“Can you touch me?” Louis asked, his breath coming ragged and quick. Zayn bent his head to lick at Louis’ dick, causing Louis to moan loudly with pleasure. Zayn rubbed his hand through the sticky mess, spreading it over Louis cock and stroking him up and down.

“I… I think I’m ready,” Louis breathed. Zayn nodded and pulled his fingers out slowly, causing Louis to whimper at the sudden emptiness. “I’m not sure what would be the best way, but I feel like… like I want you to be behind me? I like to think of you looking at my ass.”

Zayn smiled devilishly and grabbed Louis’ ass cheek, running a few fingers through the slick in his crack. “You do have a great ass,” he said, spanking Louis lightly and then bending down to kiss him. “Why don’t we start that way and go from there?”

Zayn put on a condom and flipped Louis onto his stomach, sliding his cock along the inside of his crack. Louis arched his back and lifted his ass up into the air, moaning for more. He felt Zayn place a hand on his hip and use another to spread his cheek before slowly pushing in. Louis groaned loudly as Zayn began to fill him. He could feel himself stretching, and the burning sensation hurt. In a good way.

“How is that?” Zayn asked, rubbing soothing circles into Louis’ back. His voice was strained, but he held himself completely still. Louis moaned and buried his face in the pillow, and this was all the encouragement Zayn needed. He continued to push, slowly, shuddering, until he was all the way inside.

“Fuck me, Zayn,” Louis breathed, coming up onto his elbows and rutting back onto Zayn’s dick. Zayn moaned and began to move in and out, slowly fucking Louis into the mattress.

“You’re so tight,” Zayn said, holding Louis firmly by the hips. “You feel so good, Louis - I wanted this, wanted you…” Louis felt Zayn’s hands move down to massage his ass and he moaned with pleasure. His dick was heavy and leaking, and his breath caught in his throat every time it rubbed against the mattress. He felt the sudden need to see Zayn, to watch the pleasure as it washed over his face, to see the effect he was having on him.

“Can we flip over?” He asked, and Zayn breathed a reply and grunted as he pulled out so that Louis could turn onto his back. Zayn tucked a pillow under Louis’ ass to lift him up and then eased himself back in, pushing his chest against the back of Louis’ legs. Zayn’s hair was plastered across his face and sweat trickled down his temples and into his beard. Louis reached for him, pulling him into a kiss, feeling Zayn’s arms trembling around him. He moaned loudly as Zayn hit his prostate, his vision going momentarily white. Louis could feel his orgasm building inside of him and so he reached down to pull at the head of his cock, clumsy, urgent, needy.

“Louis, I’m really close,” Zayn groaned, dipping down to lick at Louis’ neck. Louis grabbed a fistful of Zayn’s hair and pulled and Zayn came with a shout, pumping into Louis and calling out his name. A few more tugs and Louis was there with him, his back arching as he came hot and spurting onto his belly.

Zayn collapsed onto Louis’ stomach, breathing hard. Louis could feel Zayn’s heart racing against his chest, and he rubbed his hands up and down Zayn’s back and through his hair. Once Zayn had quieted, he eased his way out of Louis and fell to his side, pulling Louis onto his chest. Louis kissed at Zayn’s collarbone and splayed his fingers across Zayn’s chest.

“Wow, I had no idea,” Louis marveled, closing his eyes. “That was so cool.” Zayn laughed and kissed Louis’ forehead before peeling himself off the bed. He padded across the hardwood floor to the bathroom and returned shortly with a warm washcloth and the box of pizza. Louis hummed happily as Zayn gently wiped down Louis’ hands and stomach.

They sat up on the mattress, naked, with their backs against the wall, eating and listening to the sound of the rain outside. “I could get used to this,” Louis said.

“Mmm,” Zayn nodded, his mouth full of pizza.

\--------------------------------------------------------

“I’ve only been here 24 hours, and I already know I’m going to miss this,” Zayn took a sip of coffee and looked out over the water. From this corner of Pike Place Market they could see the entire expanse of Elliott Bay, all the way from Alki Point to Bainbridge Island and beyond. The orange shipping cranes to the south looked like a herd of four-legged dinosaurs, and the northern horizon was a perfect blending of grey sky and grey ocean. Zayn put his arm around Louis’ waist and pulled him close. “I’m going to miss you, too,” he said.

He and Louis’ looked at each other, neither saying a word. Then Zayn opened his mouth, and closed it, and opened it again to speak.

“I really like you,” Zayn began, his voice growing stronger by the second. “I know I said that I don’t handle pressure well, but when I’m with you… well, you make me feel like anything is possible. You are so fearless, so ambitious. I love that you stand up for yourself and for the people you care about." Louis' hand was resting on his chest, and Zayn placed his own hand over it. He laughed softly. "And it sounds stupid, but I fucking love how you walk around with your hand over your heart." He squeezed Louis' hand and drew it toward him. "I’ve been thinking a lot, about the band and my life, and if Seattle is where you want to be, then... I want to give it a try.” Zayn's eyes shone, bright and earnest. “I want to give us a try. I want to be with you.”

Louis shook his head. “Zayn, the not going to work -” he began, dropping his coffee and grabbing Zayn when he saw Zayn’s face go pale. “Nooo, no, not like that! I mean, I don’t want to be in Seattle. Look around you.” Louis stepped away and turned to face the water. “This will always be here, Zayn. This city isn’t going anywhere.” He turned back to Zayn and squeezed his arm. “But this, us, you are what matters most to me. I like my life in Seattle, but being in a cool place doesn’t mean shit if the people you love aren’t there with you. I want to move to Anacortes, Zayn. I want to be there, with you and Harry and Liam and Niall and your family - I want to be able to breathe.”

It was Zayn's turn to drop his coffee. He pulled Louis into a hug and they stood there holding each other, laughing, ignorant of the tourists milling around them.

“Get a room!” A man commented, elbowing his friends.

Louis turned and looked him up and down. “Fuck off," he said, "we’re getting a home!” He went up on his tiptoes and pulled Zayn down into a kiss.

\-------------------------------------------------------

**August 2004**

Louis made his way through the crowd, doling out hugs and squeezing shoulders. He spied Harry and Niall in the back of the room and headed in their direction.

“Great turnout tonight!” Niall exclaimed, opening a bottle of beer and handing it over to Louis.

“Yeah, its a special night. Plus, things have been really picking up since Harry started posting flyers at the Co-op.” Louis tipped his bottle to cheers with Harry and smiled. “We’re going to have to start turning people away at the door!”

“Or set up extra speakers by the garage door so that people can hear the music from outside,” Harry added, “but we can talk about that at the meeting tomorrow night. I know how much you love them.” He giggled when Louis pinched him.

Louis rolled his eyes but couldn’t hide his smile. It was true, the house meetings were probably his least favorite thing about their project. Mostly because he didn’t have the patience to sit through two hours of people repeating themselves, but Harry and Zayn were helping him with that. And Liam was really good at holding his hand to keep him still once he got too fidgety. It was a small price to pay for a something that made him so happy.

They had bought the old abandoned fire station in town about a 18 months ago with the dreams of opening up an all-ages art and music venue, but it had grown into so much more. Liam and Harry had fronted the down payment with money they earned from their second jobs ( _what is money really for, really?_ Harry had asked in a moment of rhetorical existentialism), and Waliyha and her friends got the local high school to donate a bunch of art supplies. Once they had built the stage and set up the art studio, it was only a matter of time before people started stopping by from Anacortes and then from surrounding cities to make art and music. It was Zayn’s idea to turn the place into a hostel ( _For people who come into town and need a place to stay_ , he said, smiling at Louis), and eventually they had all moved in to “The Bungalow.” Well, Niall had decided to continue living with his girlfriend in their apartment near the harbor, but he had formed a band with Bret and a few of the other community members, so he was around all the time. Once he even attended an open studio session to try his hand at making art - but it didn’t seem to take. ( _It's for the best_ , Liam told Louis. _Niall drew this… animal? Anyway, it was the most horrifying thing I’ve ever seen. I love Niall, but I think his art would scare away everyone away_ ).

Louis had really taken to the business-side of the Bungalow and had started an after-school arts program for high schoolers using the money they collected from shows and from people who stayed at the hostel. He visited his mom and sisters in Bellevue pretty regularly, and he actually didn’t mind it - the town itself had taken on that peripheral quality that places tend to acquire once they lose their hold over you. Zayn continued to work part-time at the docks, but he had really thrown himself into his art. The walls at the Bungalow were covered in his murals, and he’d even been invited to start teaching art classes at Anacortes Elementary School. And he had started singing in the band, with Waliyha. They sounded really fucking great.

“Hello, Anacortes!” Waliyha sang into the microphone, grabbing everyone’s attention. “Welcome to the Bungalow! This is a really fucking cool place and I hope you ask a lot of questions and hang out for a bit. We’re feeling kind of sentimental tonight, because this is the one year anniversary of this great establishment, and so we’re gonna get a little weepy on you. Please, bear with us.”

Liam stepped out from behind the drum kit and stooped over one of the microphones. “I just want to give a quick shout out all the people who came out here tonight to watch us play,” he began, his hand over his heart. “This place would be nothing without you guys, and you mean so much to us. Thank you for making the Bungalow a cool place, from the bottom of our hearts.” The crowd cheered and Liam’s eyes glistened with happy tears.

Zayn shielded his eyes from the stage lights and searched the crowd. “There they are!” He shouted, pointing to Harry and Louis and Niall. “The people you see onstage, and those three guys over there, they are my family. Waliyha, Louis, Liam, Harry, Niall and I started the Bungalow, and we wanted to make it a place where people could find community and work on things that they care about.” He blew a kiss to the three boys in the crowd. “I love you all.”

Zayn put his hand on the microphone stand and continued. “And to my boyfriend, Louis, I just want to say… thank you. You told me once that people make a place, and at the risk of sounding incredibly cheesy -” He laughed when Louis’ whistled loudly, but continued, “at the risk of sounding incredibly cheesy, I just wanted to say that I think we’ve made each other. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for you.” Zayn smiled wide. "It's pretty fucking awesome, being in love with your best friend. I highly recommend it." The crowd let out a shout, and Louis felt the color rising in his cheeks. “Everyone, raise your glass to Louis Tomlinson, my partner in crime.”

The crowd gave another cheer and raised their glasses, and Louis covered his mouth and began to chant under his breath. “Zayn Malik, Zayn Malik, Zayn Malik!” Harry and Niall joined him immediately, and soon the entire place was echoing with Zayn’s name. Zayn raised his beer and then took a sip, his face glowing.

“Now, let’s play some fucking rock ‘n’ roll!” He shouted, and the Found Feathers began to play.

Louis looked around the room - at Harry and Niall, at Liam and Waliyha, at the art made by people of all ages, and he felt a sense of immense pride swell within him. He looked at Zayn up onstage, his gentle, brave friend, and he smiled as tears welled up in the corner of his eyes. _I’m just as bad as Liam, after all_ , he thought. Then: _I’m so fucking lucky_. Lucky to have found a group of people that understood him, and that he understood. Lucky to share this time with them. He slipped his arms around Niall and Harry and sang along.


End file.
